Yom Kippur Sermon 5775 - Do Jews Really Have Long Noses!?

I am going to begin with a question that you probably did not expect to be asked on the holiest day of the year. The question is:

Do Jews really have long noses?

The theory that Jews have long noses has been a truism not only of non jewish anti semites but even of Jews.

This is related to something called Jewdar. Anyone here know what Jewdar is?

Jewdar is Jewish Radar, instant ability to know that someone you have met or just see is Jewish. Jews of my parents generation (they are in their 70’s) have very strong Jewdar.  Whenever I am walking in the street with my mom, my mom will say “that person is jewish, that person is jewish.” I will ask her, “mom, how do you know he is jewish you have not even said a word to him?” She says, “I just know, he has the jewish look.” What is the Jewish look?

People who have strong Jewdar will say there are signs….; short, curly hair, long nose.

But Is it true? Do Jews really have long noses?

The good news is (and perhaps bad news for anti-semites) that Jews dont really have long noses or at least longer noses than other people from their native environments.

The idea came from pseudo scientific theories of eugenics and it was made popular by antisemitic cartoonists in the 19th century.  

It turns out that the greatest beneficiary of this myth has been the the plastic surgery industry….

But even though Jews dont really have long noses, the concept of the “long nose” is actually very present in the Yom Kippur Davening.

Many times throughout Yom Kippur we recite the 13 Divine Attributes of Mercy. Hashem, Hashem, Kel Rachum, Vechanun, Erech Apaim….

We say, “Hashem, you are the master of Kindness and forgiveness so please forgive us this year on Yom Kippur for all of our sins.” But what do the actual words mean.

“Rachum” - Compassion

“Chanun” - Grace

These things make sense. What about the next term?

“Erech Apaim” - the common translation is “slow to anger.” But if you translate it literally….”Erech” means long (as in Arichus Yamim - Long Life) and “Apaim” or “Af” means “nose.” = Long Nose. In other words, we are saying, “G-d you are so wonderful. You are compassionate, full of grace and….You have a Big Nose!!!! I guess this is how we know G-d is Jewish!

In all seriousness, why are we saying that G-d has a long nose and what does that have to do with Forgiveness and Yom Kippur?

In order to understand this we have to go back to the sin of the Golden Calf and the beginning of Jewish History when G-d defined his relationship with the Jewish People.

We all know the story. Moshe goes up on the mountain for 40 days. Delays in coming back. The people freak out and form the golden calf. I am not going to try to explain the sin but for now let us just accept that it was a big sin. G-d feels like the jewish people have not been faithful. Remember that in the Bible, the relationship between G-d and the people is compared to a husband a wife. Idolatry is therefore adultery. The sin of the Golden Calf was essentially the Jewish People having an affair. How does G-d respond?

G-d says to Moshe (Exodus 32:7) “Go see what your people have done...They have served the Golden Calf…(verse 10) - And Now leave me (i.e. let me do my wish…) Let my anger flare up at them and I will annihilate them. And I shall make you a great nation.”

This is heavy stuff...G-d almost commits genocide against the jewish people….

But lets take a close look at the Hebrew. What is the Hebrew for “flaring up anger”? ויחר אפי (Vayichar Api). That same word is here. Api = Af = Nose. G-d was literally telling Moshe, “Let me do what I want with them. Let me nostrils flare up and destroy them.

If you have ever looked at someone when they are angry, their nostrils flare up and if they are a dragon, fire comes out and destroys. That is what G-d says. My nostrils will flare and I will destroy. Punishment will be  swift and harsh. No possibility of teshuva. No possibility of reconciliation.

So how does Moshe respond.

verse 11 - “Moshe pleads to Hashem… למה יחרה אפך בעמך - why should your nose flare up against your people. Which people? “That you took out of Egypt with great power and strong hand.” You have already invested so much in this relationship. They have invested so much. It was just one mistake (although a huge one)....

שוב מחרון אפך והנחם על הרעה לעמך - “Relent from your flaring nostrils (I know it sounds funny!) and change your mind regarding the evil you planned to do to your people.”

Moshe begs Hashem…”This flaring nostril thing isnt going to work. Swift and harsh punishment might be just but we are just people. We make mistakes. We are your people. Please stop with the flaring nostril thing.

How does the story end? Moshe ends up breaking the first set of tablets. He carves out the second tablets. Ascends the mountain and Hashem teaches him the 13 attributes of mercy. Hashem, Hashem Kel Rachum Vechanun erech apaim…..

Hashem tells Moshe, “You are correct. I will now be the G-d of compassion, grace and Long Nose! My nose will no longer flare when the jews sin. I will have a long nose. There will be a long distance between the anger I am feeling until it flares. There will be time for Teshuva. There will be time for me to reconsider. Perhaps the relationship is more important than the transgression.  There will be flexibility and patience.

This same thing happens with the second major sin in the desert. The sin of the spies (Bamidbar chapter 14). G-d tells the people to go into the land of israel. It is a land flowing with milk and honey. g-d says, “trust me.” The people dont trust. They send in spies who return with a bad report. The people panic and say lets go back to Egypt.

G-d says, “How long will they not have faith in me….I will smite them with the plague and annihilate them.” Sound familiar?  

Moshe says (verse 17), Hashem, remember that you have  “erech apaim, Verav chesed, noseh avon upeshah.”

You already told us that you are a Long Nosed G-d. full of kindness, forgiver of sin.

סלח נא לעון העם הזה כגדל חסדך וכאשר נשאתה לעם הזה ממצרים ועד הנה…

Please forgive this people in accordance with your great kindness as you have forgiven this people from Egypt until now.”

In other words, Moshe says, “G-d, we have been here before. You promised me that you would have a Long Nose. Please forgive the people again.”

How does it end. ויאמר ה’ סלחתי כדברך. - “G-d says, I have forgiven because of your words.”

These are the stories of Yom Kippur. The narratives behind Rosh Hashana are the great women - Sarah, Rachel, Chanah - all of them who struggled and who were finally remembered on Rosh Hashana. Well the narrative of Yom Kippur is the Golden calf, the sin of the spies. Sin, unfaithfulness, lack of trust. But instead of Hashem getting angry - Justice which is swift and harsh. Hashem has a long nose. He is patient. forgiving and flexible.

At this point you might be saying to yourself, “if Rabbi Antine is correct, and G-d has a long nose, is flexible, patient and forgiving, then why do I have to be here for the next 25 hours. Let us let the chazan take the place of Moshe, G-d will forgive and I will go home and watch the game!

The answer is we have to become worthy of G-d’s patience, flexibility and forgiveness. How do we do this? Let me demonstrate with one of my favorite stories from the Talmud.

The Gemara (Taanis 25b) tells the story of a drought. There was no rain. The economy was going to collapse. They made a public fast day. The greatest rabbi of the generation, Rabbi Eliezer gets up to pray. He prays the special 24 blessings of a rain-fast with great Kavvana and devotion. No rain. It doesnt help.

Then Rabbi Akiva gets up and says two lines. Avinu Malkeinu (Our father our King), we have no king but you. Please have compassion for your sake.

They look up and it starts raining!

The people start murmuring. Can it be that Rabbi Akiva is greater than Rabbi Eliezer. Is he more learned? Is he more pious? Maybe he deserves to be the leader of the generation?

At that point, A heavenly voice calls out: “This was not the result of this one (Rabbi Akiva) being greater than that one (Rabbi Eliezer). Rather it was because this one (Rabbi Akiva) overlooks his hurt and this one (Rabbi Eliezer) does not.” Rabbi Akiva is patient. When people hurt him (intentionally or unintentionally), he is patient. He is flexible. He forgives. Rabbi Eliezer does not.

Friends: This gemara is the answer. If we want Hashem to be “Erech Apaim” Long Nosed, if we want Hashem to forgive us to be patient with us, to grant us life and health, we only have to do one thing. It is not about our piety. It is not about our learning or anything else. All we have to do is be flexible, forgiving and patient. If we are flexible, forgiving and patient with others than G-d will be flexible forgiving and patient with us.

What is the Hebrew word for Patience? Savlanut. What does the root word sabal mean? Carrier or porter. To be patient means to be able to carry or hold onto the hurt and not throw it back in a harmful way that we will regret later on.

In addition to being patient with others, we also must learn to be patient with ourselves. Often times we find ourselves in situations that we cannot control and some of our greatest pain comes from having expectations of others that they act in ways that we expect them to act right now. We must be patient. I know this might sound pessimistic but we must lower expectations of others. We must be patient with them and with ourselves.

Allow me to conclude with a story about someone that I know from Cleveland. This person had a very difficult relationship with his teenage daughters. They pushed him out of their life. They came to believe things about him that were completely not true. They said and did many hurtful things but the father always returned hurt with love and did whatever he could to remain in their lives.

One time I asked him how it was possible to deal with the pain and then return with love?

He would say two words, “Expectations and Patience.” First I cannot have expectations that other people will do what I think they should do. They have their own things that they are dealing with and their own hurt and pain. Second is patience. Things are difficult now and they might be for a year, 5 years or even 15 years, but I have to have patience. Things will change.

Fastforward 15 years. His kids are adults and are now married with kids of their own. I recently saw this person in a park in  Cleveland enjoying a day with his daughters and playing with his grandchildren.

On the one hand, the scene was completely ordinary; a grandfather playing with his grandchildren at the park. On the other hand, it was totally extraordinary as I knew that things could have been much different. If the dad would not have had patience. If he would not have been able to hold the pain, the story could have ended very differently. Unfortunately, I know too many people who dont talk to their parents.

So much of life is about patience. It is about erech apaim. It is about knowing the story is not over tomorrow or the next day or even in 5 or 10 years.

So I started with a funny question that I think has a very serious answer. Do Jews really have long noses. The answer is that G-d has a long nose and we should imitate G-d.

I want to bless everyone with a year of patience, a year of forgiveness and a year of reconciliation and peace in our families, for the Jewish people and for all inhabitants of this world.

Rosh Hashana sermon 2014 (5775) - “Jewish Knowledge Vs. Jewish Identity”

My parents celebrated their 50th anniversary this summer. It was amazing! Over 40 family members, my parents, their children, grandchildren and great grandchildren all in one place for shabbos!

But….my mother said she wanted some programming! So after friday night dinner we all gathered around the couches and played the “newlywed game.” My parents competed against the other couples. You know how the game works. 3 couples compete against each other to see which couple knows each other best. In the first round the wives stay in and the husbands leave. The wives are asked a series of questions about their husbands. After the answers are noted, the husbands return and we find out how well the wives really know their husbands. In round 2, everything is reversed with the wives leaving. The couple that answers the most questions correctly, wins.

My parents answered every question about each other correctly! It turns out, that my parents know each other really really well. It is almost scary to see how well they know each other. Just to give one example: One question that they asked my mom about my dad was “if your husband could have unlimited access to one store, what would it be?”

My mom said, “your dad is first going to say the cigar shop, then he will switch his answer to the liquor store and finally settle on the bike shop.” Sure enough my dad came back and gave those three answers in the same order! Scary!

I then realized that in addition to my parents love, attraction and care that they have for each other, there is actually another secret to their amazing marriage. They actually know each other very well and maybe this is why they love each other so much.

There is actually research to back this up. Harvard-trained psychologist Dr. Robert Epstein recently presented research proving that “Knowledge of one’s partner including his or her preferences, hopes and dreams, values and even superficial things like shoe size” greatly enhances marital happiness and strong marriages.

This might be interesting but what does it have to do with Rosh Hashana and Judaism?

My theory that I hope to prove in the next 10 minutes is that Jewish Knowledge makes better jews. 100 years ago this would have been obvious. After all are we not the people of the Book? are we not the people who produced thousands of volumes of commentaries, commentaries on the commentaries and then commentaries on the commentaries of the commentaries?

The problem is that if you go to any Jewish meeting discussing the big problems (high intermarriage rates, low connection to Israel, low affiliation), the big buzz words are Jewish “Identity”, “connection”, “feeling”, “peoplehood”, “meaning”, and “values.” All of that is great but we never talk about Jewish Knowledge anymore.

I was meeting with Abi Daubner Sterne who is is the vice president for Global Jewish Experience at Hillel. She pointed out to me that the Pew didnt even ask questions about jewish knowledge. There were many questions about Jewish identity, beliefs, practices, connection to Israel, denominational affiliation but not one question about knowledge. How fascinating would it be to ask some basic Jewish literacy questions of the respondents and cross tabulate those responses with responses about observance, intermarriage, etc.

I recently read a fascinating statement which I am going to paraphrase. Our great great grandparents in Poland, Russia, Germany, Yemen, Morocco etc didnt have a strong Jewish Identity. They were just Jewish. As soon as we talk about taking an external identity and putting on ourselves, we have already lost. It is all about just being jewish. Growing up and learning the shema and tefilot, thinking with Jewish categories of thought. This is jewish knowledge and it precedes and is more important than jewish identity.

There is a very important line in the Rosh Hashana davening that proves this.

The central theme of the Musaf Davening is Malchiyut - the affirmation of G-d’s sovereignty over the world. The central piece of the Malchiyos section of the Mussaf is Aleinu. When many of us confront it in the middle of the Mussaf amidah, we are probably wondering, “what is aleinu doing in the middle of my shmoneh esreh!” shouldnt aleinu rightfully be at the end of davening. Well the truth of the matter is that Aleinu was originally composed for the Rosh Hashana Amida. The rabbis liked it so much that they decided to also append it at the conclusion of every davening but really, Aleinu is a prayer composed for Rosh Hashana. Well there is one line from Aleinu that I want to focus on.  

Right after we say “Va’anachnu Kor’im Umishtachavim” and for one of only three times during the year we fully bow demonstrating that even though we have lots of important things in our lives (jobs, secular pursuits, hobbies etc), the most important thing that we will give up everything for is Judaism. And then we say an important line:

וידעת היום והשבות אל לבבך

“You must know today and place it in your heart that Hashem is G-d…”

Two concepts. וידעת (knowledge, literacy) and השבת אל לבבך - place it on the heart (inspiration, passion or what I would call Jewish Identity).

Note the order. We must first know and then we put the knowledge on our heart. Meaning, Inspiration, passion, identity, connection - These are all very important. But, we must first know. Without jewish knowledge, jewish identity and meaning is fleeting. It wont last. It will not be strong.

It goes back to my parents and any couple.

If there is attraction, chemistry, love and care but a husband does not know his spouse. He doesnt know what is important to her, What are her values, And yes maybe even her shoe size (!) then the marriage will not be strong.

If a wife has deep love and attraction to her husband but doesnt know what makes him tick, his values and his dreams, then the marriage will not last.

The same thing is true about judaism. We can send our kids on trips to Israel, they can climb masada, they can have meaningful bnai mitzvah, frogs can jump out at our seder,  but if they dont have jewish knowledge then its fleeting. It wont last.

If we dont have jewish knowledge, if we dont understand Judaism, its history, its meaning and application, we are just observers we arent participants.

So I want to spend the next few minutes discussing to areas of Jewish Knowledge that I think are sorely lacking in the contemporary American Jewish Community; Halakhic Knowledge and Hebrew.

1.) Halakhic Knowledge: Let me explain this by discussing a fear that every convert that I work with has even before they have start the process.

They have heard of the Bet Din. They will have to sit before a Bet Din of three scary rabbis who will test them on their jewish knowledge.

So first of all I tell them who are these rabbis. It is basically me and two of my friends. Not very scary!

Then I explain what the “test” will be and what really jewish knowledge is all about. It is not about locking your self in a room and trying to memorize jewish knowledge facts and terms. It is practice based. As soon as they begin to keep kosher and shabbat, they have questions which lead to answers which lead to more questions. They they want to understand why are they doing this and not that. Over the course of a year of committed halakhic observance, the Jewish knowledge organically emerges out of jewish practice. It is not test-based knowledge but practice-based knowledge.

The same is true for those of us Jewish from birth. If we want to understand Judaism, if we want to “think jewishly,” we must take Jewish practice more seriously and ask more halachik questions. If we ask more halakhic questions (and if you are serious about your judaism then unless you went to rabbinical school, you should probably be asking halakhic questions weekly) you will start to understand the difference between the Tannaim, Amoraim, Rishonim and Achronim; between De’oraisa and Derabanan, Lechatchila and Bedieved, mutar and assur, chumara and kula. If you dont understand all of the words I just said, dont worry! I promise you there wont be a test! But I also promise you that if you start taking jewish practice more seriously, you will know all of those terms and more and you will no longer be a jewish observer but a jewish participant.

If you do understand all the terms I just said, dont rest on your laurels. The important question is not how many words you  know. The question is do you know more words and jewish terms this year on rosh hahsana than you knew last year and more importantly “how are you going to know more next year.”

2.) Hebrew:

When I talk about hebrew literacy I am not referring to the ability to order lunch in a restaurant in Tel Aviv. That is important. A majority of Jews now live in Israel, Israel is our future so we have to learn Modern Hebrew. But speaking modern hebrew is not a requirement to be a knowledgeable jew. Rabbi Akiva, Rava, Maimonides, Rashi, Yosef Karo, the Baal Shem Tov….all of them would have had a lot of difficulty carrying on a conversation in modern hebrew but I think we would all agree that they were Judaicly knowledgeable. When I speak of Hebrew Literacy, I mean the hebrew of the chumash, the mishna and the siddur. If we come to the torah reading and we only understand it through the translation then we are relying on others for our connection to G-d and Torah. We are observers and not participants. If we have a halakhic question, and we cannot sit down with the rabbi for 5 minutes and review the material in the original, then we are observers and not full participants. And if our only access to the tefilah, is through the translation then we are not full participants.

I recently understood why so many people feel disconnected to the davening. The Pew actually has a section on Hebrew. 52% of American Jews can read Hebrew. How many can actually understand Hebrew. How many can actually understand most of the words in the siddur or chumash? Well it turns out there is a fascinating difference based on denomination.

Ultra Orthodox - 74%

Modern Orthodox - 52%

Conservative - 16%

Reform - 4%

What percentage of Members of Beth Sholom understand the Hebrew of the Siddur? I would say given our diverse backgrounds we are somewhere between Modern Orthodox and Conservative. Lets say we have about 30% understanding hebrew. So here is the problem. As an orthodox shul, we pray like the Ultra Orthodox (all in Hebrew) but we understand like the Conservative. This is a recipe for disaster.

So some might say, we should begin praying in English. The truth of the matter is that the American Jewish Community after WW2 tried to do something unprecedented in Jewish History. It tried to create a Jewish Identity (that word again!) without Hebrew being the basic building block. Well i have a question for you. How well did that experiment work?

Perhaps you are thinking, Hebrew is important. I will make sure my children and grandchildren learn hebrew but it is too late for me. First, I want to say it is never too late to learn something. Mendy Rutstein, who was a beloved congregant of Beth Sholom decided when he was 80 years old and diagnosed with cancer that he wanted to learn Talmud seriously. He studies a page of talmud a day and by the time he died at age 88, he was a shas-yid (he finished the entire talmud)! It is never too late…

Here are some practical suggestions.

I would suggest that we Begin with the Siddur and Tefilah. Our new CJE (Center for Jewish Engagement) will be running at least monthly shabbat morning Explanatory Services. These services will include explanations of structure and meaning of tefilah together with practical how to’s of davening. In the past when we have had these explanatory services, only a handful of people go. Everything else believes they are too advanced. I would argue that an explanatory service is appropriate for about ⅔ of our shul!

And while the explanatory service will focus on words and hebrew, it will not be enough. This is why the CJE will also run a series of hebrew reading (and understanding) crash courses throughout the year.

Finally, Consider using the Interlinear siddur. For those of you who are not familiar with it, it has the english translation of each word directly under the hebrew. This allows every time you come to daven to be a hebrew lesson. You start understanding words, making connections to other words and slowly the pieces of the Jewish Puzzle come together.  

So if there is one take away from this talk it is the following. Jewish Identity without Jewish Knowledge is insufficient. The important question is not how much knowledge do I have but do I have more knowledge this year than i had last year and do i have to plan to have more knowledge next year than this year. Finally, set Jewish Knowledge goals. If you have never leined from the Torah, learn how to lein this year (both men and women). If you have never finished a tractate of Talmud, make that your goal. If you have never learnerd Hebrew, make a commitment to do it this year.

וידעת היום והשיבות אל לבבך - If we want want it to be on our heart. If we want the passion, the identity, the commitment, we need the knowledge.

A story: Chatzkel was a young Polish Jew who survived Buchenwald. He grew up as a chosid but during the war, he lost everything; his parents, his siblings, his community. He even lost his faith. He was so angry at G-d for allowing all of this to happen to him that he promised that if he survived, he would raise a family completely assimilated without a trace of Judaism. His children would not even know that they were Jewish.

Chatzkel survived. After the war, a Rabbi (a US army chaplain), Rabbi Hershel Schachter was one of the first to liberate Buchenwald. He stayed there for a number of months providing resources for the Jewish inmates. The rabbi met and befriended Chatzkel. Chatzkel said, “Rabbi, dont even start with me. There is no way that you will convince to become religious again.” The rabbi said, “I am not trying to make you religious. I just want to be here with you and support you.”

After a few months, Rabbi Schachter managed to bring a Sefer Torah to the camp. On that first shabbat morning when they had the Torah, many showed up to the tent which was a make shift shul to hear the Torah for the first time in years. But as usually happens, not as many showed up for mincha (the afternoon prayer). They have 5 then 6, 7, 8, 9 and nobody else is coming. The rabbi looks at his watch and it is just a few minutes before sunset. They need to daven now. Just then the rabbi sees Chatzkel walking by. He runs out and says, “Chatzkel, please help us. We need you for a minyan.” Chatzkel says, “who is ‘we.’ “you need me. I dont need this. I told you I have already rejected G-d and Torah.” The rabbi says, “Chatzkel, please dont do this for G-d do it for your brothers who need a minyan.” chatzkel agrees but just to show his displeasure with G-d, he lights up a cigarette as the minyan begins (remember it is shabbos!). The chazan begin Ashrei...Uva L’zion….Then they get up to Torah reading. The rabbi asks, “does anyone know the torah reading?” Nobody volunteers. The rabbi looks at Chatzkel. “Chatzkel didnt you tell me that when you were younger after your bar mitzvah you used to lein?” Chatzkel says, “No way.” I am through with this. The rabbi begs and Chatzkel agrees to do it “for his brothers.” The Kohen gets the first aliyah, He says his bracha, “asher bachar banu mikol ha’amim venatan lanu es torato, baruch atah hashem noten hatorah.” And Chatzkel for the first time in over a year says “Amen.” A tear wells up in his eye. He then starts leining. “Vayidaber Hashem el Moshe Leimor.” He is surprised at the ease with which it comes back to him. He starts remembering his father and Zeidy who taught him how to lein. He remembers his mother who taught him to read Hebrew and would tuck him in every night with the shema. And he realizes that he was wrong. He did not lose everything. It is true he lost his mother and father and siblings. But he still had his Jewish knowledge which they taught him. Which connected him to his past and would help create his future. At this point tears started coming down and by the time he finished the first aliyah, he was crying like a baby. When he started the aliyah, it was their torah. He was doing it for them. But when he finished it was his torah once again. It was his Jewish Knowledge which was the essence of his being which had been rekindled.

It took some time. But eventually Chatzkel moved to Australia where he started his own family and passed down all of the Jewish Knowledge to his children.

We are about to hear the shofar. In the sound of the shofar, let us hear Chatzkel’s cry. Let us hear the cries of our Neshamas which crave more and deeper Jewish knowledge. Let us commit to deepening our own Jewish Knowledge that of our children and grandchildren. In that merit, May Hashem hear our cries and give us a year of Bracha (blessing), Hatzlacha (success). A year of Peace and security in Israel and to jews all around the world. May 5775 be a year in which all of our deepest prayers are answered. Shana Tova.

Malaysia Flight 370 and a Purim Message - sermon on erev purim 5774

I would like to begin with an email dated Tuesday January 14th, 2014. Andy, a jewish business traveler sends an email to his observant travel agent asking him to book him flights on the following days:
Mar 1 - Sydney - Hong Kong,  Mar 3 Hong Kong - Kuala, Mar 8 Kuala - Beijing, Mar 12 Vietnam - Melbourne.
The agent sends Andy back an itinerary with one change. Instead of booking him on the Saturday March 8 Kuala - Beijing flight, he instead suggests the Friday March 7 Kuala - Beijing flight.
Andy writes back and says he needs the extra day in Kuala so he needs to fly out on Saturday.
The agent responds: "I wish I could give you a day later, but you know I just don't like flying jews on Shabbat." The agent says that he can take out that leg and Andy will book it himself and he will subtract the commission.
A few hours later, Andy writes back, "I reconsidered, you are right I should be more observant, I'll manage without the extra day in Kuala."
Now that Andy was going to be in Beijing for Friday, he asks the agent if he knows where Andy can get a good Friday Night Dinner.
The agent writes back and provides a link to Chabad in Beijing for Friday night dinner!
This would have been the end of the story if not for the tragic event from last shabbat when Malaysia Flight 370 (the one Andy should have been on) disappeared.
After Andy found out about it, he sent the following email to his agent:
"Holy God,
You sure heard what happened to MH370. I cannot stop thinking about this. This is a true miracle for the books. You are a true life saver..."
The agent writes back: "I am not a life savor. God and Shabbat were your life savers. You owe them something." (the full email exchange can be found on Dans Deals Blog).

Now if anyone here is inspired by this story and motivated to observe shabbat on a higher level, wonderful! Please do not listen to the rest of the sermon for I am going to poke holes in the lesson that many are trying to learn from this story. In fact, if you want to leave, I am sure there is a good kiddush club going on outside and I promise I will not be insulted!

I actually have three problems with the story (or at least the way it is already being used).
#1 - What about the 239 people who are missing? Were they not sufficiently ethical or spiritual to warrant God's protection? What about the 9 children and the two 2-year olds. Did those two-year olds do something or not do something that made them not warrant G-d's protection? If one of those victims has a parent or child in this room right now, would any of us feel comfortable saying over the story with glee talking about the protective nature of keeping shabbat?
When Rav Ahron Lichtenstein, the Rosh Hayeshiva of Gush, heard people telling stories after 9/11 about how some jew decided to go to minyan that morning and therefore missed his train and then got to work at the twin towers late and was saved, Rav Ahron Lichtenstein was upset. He said that people who tell these stories are "pogeah bemalchus shamayim" (diminishing G-d's Kingdom). Who are we to claim that we understand the ways of the Divine. We cannot understand the mystery behind "Mi Yichye U'Mi Yamus" (Who will live and who will die). We cannot explain G-d's ways and there is something theologically troubling about trying to do this.

#2 - What if the story with Andy and the travel agent would have been exactly the same except one detail. What if Andy had asked to fly on shabbat, the agent asked him to change to Friday, Andy agrees, he flies on Friday and then whatever mysterious thing happened to the plane on Saturday, what if it would have happened on Friday? What if Andy would have died because he was trying to keep shabbat? First of all, I promise you all of the Jewish kiruv groups would not be sending around the story.
But if we heard about it, what would we say. Would we say, "this is a proof we should not keep shabbat?" Of course not. Then we should not say that the reason Andy lived was because G-d was protecting him.

#3 - My greatest concern with the way the story is being used is that I think it is against Jewish philosophy. Let me cite an example from the Purim Story. The Gemara (Shabbat 88b) says that in the days of Mordechai and Esther, the jews reaccepted the Torah. The gemara asks, what was wrong with the first acceptance at Mount Sinai that the jews had to reaccept the torah? The gemara says that at Sinai, כפה עליהם הר כגיגית - God lifted up the mountain over the jews and said, "If you accept the Torah, wonderful. If not, here will be your grave." I understand the image of the mountain over their heads to be a metaphor of the first Torah. It was a Torah that if you followed it, the reward was immediate. You would continue to receive Manna in the desert, clouds of glory and fire to protect you, easy conquer of the land and then guaranteed produce from the land.
The problem with this acceptance is that it didn't work. Over time, after the jews entered the land, they sometimes felt like G-d wasn't protecting them and that G-d was not providing them with produce. Since their primary motive for following G-d's commandments was to have G-d's protection and blessing, when they felt it was not coming, they ran to other gods. This is the history of the first temple.
Then at the beginning of the 2nd temple period, we have the purim story. G-d is not mentioned even once in the Megilah. God's protection is not immediate and obvious. Yet the jews choose to see G-d behind the text, behind the narrative and to follow G-d's commands not because of immediate reward but because of the relationship with G-d and the beauty of the mitzvah itself. This is the re-acceptance of the Torah which lasts until today. If I keep shabbat because of what happened to Andy, what happens when I find out about the family that was killed by a car when they were walking to shul on shabbat?

Let me quote one more source to illustrate my point.
Maimonides in the Laws of Mezuzah discusses a medieval practice that had developed in his time. People were seeing the mezuzah as a protection for their homes. I think we are familiar with this thinking. If a family experiences a series of medical related issues, the first thing they do is check their mezuzot.
In the times of the Rambam (Maimonides) people were actually inserting verses that talked about Divine protection in the mezuza. Maimonides was not happy. He said:
"אבל אלו שכותבין מבפנים שמות המלאכים, או שמות קדושים, או פסוק, או חותמות, הרי הן בכלל מי שאין להם חלק לעולם הבא. שאלו הטיפשים, לא די להן שביטלו המצווה. אלא שעושין מצווה גדולה, שהיא ייחוד שמו של הקדוש ברוך הוא ואהבתו ועבודתו, כאילו הוא קמיע להנית עצמןם.

Those people who write names of angels or holy names, or a posuk, or symbols on the inside [of the mezuzah] do not have a share in the world to come. For these fools, not only nullify the mitzvah but they take this wonderful mitzvah of unifying God's name, and loving G-d and serving him, into an amulet for their own benefit...

This is what I call "The Amulet theory of Torah and Mitzvot." Keep Shabbat because G-d will make sure you are not on that flight. Give Tzedaka because G-d will make you rich. Make sure your mezuzot are kosher so that the people in the house will be healthy.
I am not saying it doesn't help. I have no idea. But this is certainly not why we are supposed to do Mitzvot. The Mishna in Avot says, שכר מצוה, מצוה. What is the reward for a mitzvah? Another mitzvah or some explain, the mitzvah itself. Why do I keep shabbat? Because it spiritually connects me to G-d, to my family and to myself. Why do I give tzedaka? Because it is the right thing to do and everyone deserves to live in dignity. Why do I have a mezuza? To literally frame every action in my home with the principles of the shema, of torah and Jewish values. The reward for the mitzvah is the mitzvah itself.

Another story that people like to quote who advocate "The Amulet Theory" is the story of Rose Goldstein. Rose worked at the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory on the lower east side 103 years ago. Rose gave up her job the day before the fire because she refused to work on shabbat. She lost her job but she survived. The story is powerful but we have to remember that Rose didnt keep shabbat because she thought it would save her.
For every Rose, there were thousands of Jews on the lower east side, who sacrificed careers, promotions and financial security in order to keep shabbos. These jews lived and many of them died in poverty because of shabbat. They were never saved from a fire and never benefited financially from their sacrifice. They did it because it was the right thing to do. They did it because of what it did for themselves and their families. Without those people, we might not have shabbat in America. שכר מצוה, מצוה. The reward for the mitzvah is the mitzvah itself.

Looking back at the story of Andy, I am also inspired but by a different part of the story. I am inspired by the travel agent. How many thousands of dollars has he given up because of his principles. He believes in Shabbat and wants to share that passion with others. He didn't do it in a condescending or demeaning way. He said, "This is something I believe in. here is the info if you want to make your own ticket." He opened up a conversation with Andy which cost him money but eventually opened up the door to Andy to decide to keep shabbos. The travel agent didnt it do it to make money or fame (he does not even want anyone to know his identity). This is שכר מצוה, מצוה doing a mitzvah for the mitzvah itself.

As we read the megilah tonight, let us all remember this lesson. Let us try to reaccept the Torah in such a way that we are not expecting reward or protection. We perform mitzvot because of the beautiful way that they enhance our life and deepen our relationship with G-d.
And of course, let us pray that against all odds, the victims on Malaysia Flight 370 return safely to their homes to be reunited with their families.
Shabbat Shalom!

“Nelson Mandela, Joseph and the Power of Reconciliation”

Over the last two days, I have been watching with great interest the near universal expressions of praise and admiration for Nelson Mandela. I say “near universal admiration” because in some quarters of the Jewish press, there has been some criticism of Mandela for his complicated relationship with Israel. There was of course the time when he publicly hugged Yasser Arafat and a number of critical statements of Israel regarding the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict. Because of this controversy, I was at first hesitant to speak about Mandela from the pulpit. But then I read the laudatory words of Benjamin Netanyahu about Mandela. I don’t think anyone here will accuse Bibi Netanyahu of being Anti-Israel! And I don’t think anyone here will accuse Bibi of being a lover of Yasser Arafat so I think I can follow his lead!

Here is what Bibi said yesterday in an official statement upon the death of Mandela:

"Nelson Mandela was one of the outstanding figures of our time. He was the father of his nation, a man of vision, a fighter for freedom who avoided violence. He was a humble man who provided a personal example for his nation during the long years he spent in prison. He worked to heal the rifts in South African society and succeeded, through the power of his character, in preventing racial hatred. He will be remembered as the father of the new South Africa and a moral leader of the highest order."

So I will follow Bibi’s lead and share a lesson based on Mandela’s personal example and life and the amazing thing is that it is right there in our parshah - Parshat Vayigash.

I am going to focus on perhaps the most dramatic moment in Tanach. It is the moment when after so many years of imprisonment, abandonment and pain, Yosef finally reveals himself to his brothers, his brothers who sold him into slavery in the first place.

אני יוסף העוד אבי חי.

“I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?”

I will analyze these words in a few minutes but first, I want to put all of the emotions on the table. What do you think the brother’s were feeling at that moment? Name the emotions:

From the audience: “Shame, Fear, Embarrassment” “anger at each other”

Great. This is all there. Rashi says they were feeling בושה - shame. Other commentaries talk of fear. Now that Yosef has the power (he is the Viceroy of Egypt), he might take revenge.

I also often think of Benjamin. What was he thinking at this moment? For his entire life, he had been taught the family myth. His older brother was killed by a wild animal. I am sure that from time to time, he would ask his older brothers whom he respected so much “tell me what happened on that day.” And they would get all emotional and lie about how they found their brother’s bloodied coat of many colors.

Now, in this one moment, his entire world turns upside down. On the one hand, he finds out that one brother Joseph is still alive. But at the same time, he finds out that his other brothers are capable of such evil. The family secret is revealed. Imagine the anger, The betrayal. I cannot think of a moment in biblical narrative that is as emotionally complex.

And I am sure that many of these emotions were felt by Afrikaners who were perpetrators of Apartheid. In the 1990’s when things started changing, I am sure they felt shame, embarrassment and fear.

Now let us analyze Joseph’s statement: “I am Joseph. Is my father still alive?”

This question is perhaps the most famous in the Bible but it also makes no sense.

Joseph must have known that his father Jacob was still alive. Just 5 verses ago, Judah begged Joseph to allow Benjamin to go home lest his father die from the shock and pain. Furthermore, the brothers never explicitly answer the question, “is my father still alive” yet a few verses later, Joseph tells the brothers to go home and tell father of the glory he has achieved in Egypt.

So how do we explain the question?

I believe we can explain it with a very powerful midrash.

ר' אלעזר כי מטי להאי קרא בכי (בראשית מה, ג) ולא יכלו אחיו לענות אתו כי נבהלו מפניו ומה תוכחה של בשר ודם כך תוכחה של הקדוש ברוך הוא על אחת כמה וכמה

The Midrash says that whenever Rabbi Elazer reached this verse, he would cry. The brothers were speechless (after the Yosef’s question). Now if the rebuke of a man (Yosef) was so painful, how much more so the rebuke of G-d.

Many commentaries ask the following: What rebuke does Yosef offer his brothers? On the contrary, he seems to be very forgiving.

The Torah Temimah offers a beautiful insight. He says that when Yosef asks, “is father still alive” he of course knew the answer and the brothers knew that Yosef knew the answer. It was rhetorical. “It is shocking that father is still alive after all that you put him through.” In other words, despite whatever complaints you had against me (I was a tattle tale), how could you hurt father so much?” This was the rebuke.

I would take this one step further. Have you ever hurt someone sometimes even inadvertently? You do everything you can to not see or run into that person because you are ashamed. The mere presence of the victim, even if he or she says nothing, is a rebuke. This is what the brothers felt when they saw him. Shame and fear and Yosef did not even have to say a word.

I think the same is true when Mandela was released from prison in 1990. Mandela did not even have to say a word. His very presence, the vicitm standing before all to see is a source of shame and fear for the perpetrators.

And How does Yosef respond. The power is in his hands. He can now pay back from a life lost. Years in jail. Dreams squashed. What does he say?

"Now, do not be anguished, and do not reproach yourselves that you have sold me here, for it is to be a source of life that God has sent me ahead of you." (Breishit 45:4).

He is completely forgiving. He would prefer to look forward. To reunite with his family and work for a brighter future. The past is important. But he is not going to allow rehashing over everything that happened to get in the way of a brighter future.

And how does Mandela respond in a similar situation. Let me read to you from his autobiography, “Long Walk to Freedom.” Mandela is discussing his first press conference after being released from prison in 1990.

“I was asked as well about the fears of whites. I knew that people expected me to harbor anger toward whites. But I had none. In prison, my anger toward whites decreased, but my hatred for the system grew. I wanted South Africa to see that I loved even my enemies while I hated the system that turned us against one

another...Whites are fellow South Africans….we want them to feel safe and to know that we appreciate the contribution that they have made towards the development of this country. Any man or woman who abandons apartheid will be embraced in our struggle for a democratic, non-racial South Africa; we must do everything we could to persuade our white compatriots that a new, non-racial South Africa would be a better place for all.” (Long Walk to Freedom,  page 559)

Like Yosef, Mandela is more interested in a bright future than to be fettered to the past. He harbors no hatred to those who caused him so much pain.

One more example perhaps more relevant to the Jewish Community: Percy Yutar, a respected member of an Orthodox shul in Johannesburg, was a government prosecutor in the Rivonia Trial in 1964 at which Mandela was sentenced to life imprisonment. True to his generous spirit, however, Mandela invited Yutar to lunch just months after being inaugurated as the South African president, and made a point of publicly shaking his hand, thus sending a message that the bitter past must not be allowed to prevent a better future (Jewish Week).

Let me conclude with another section from his book. In 1978, Mandela’s daughter Zeni married Prince Thumbeumuzi, son of the Swazi king. Mandela discusses their first visit after they had a baby.

 “There was a tremendous advantage in Zeni becoming a member of the Swazi royal family: She was immediately granted diplomatic privileges and could visit me virtually at will. That winter after she and Thumbeumuzi were married, they came to see me, along with their newborn baby daughter.

“Because of the prince’s status we were allowed to meet one another in the consulting room, not the normal visiting area where one is separated from one’s family by thick walls and glass. I waited for them with some nervousness.

It was a truly wondrous moment when they came into the room. I stood up, and when Zeni saw me, she practically tossed her tiny baby to her husband and ran across the room to embrace me. I had not held my now grown-up daughter since she was about her own daughter’s age. It was a dizzying experience, as though time had sped forward in a science fiction novel, suddenly to hug one’s fully grown child.

“I then embraced my new son and he handed me my tiny granddaughter, whom I did not let go of for the entire visit. To hold a newborn baby so vulnerable and soft in my rough hands, hands that for too long had held only picks and shovels, was a profound joy. I do not think a man was ever happier to hold a baby than I was that day.”

And now here is the part of the story which brings home the point of the sermon:

The visit had a more official purpose and that was for me to choose a name for the child. It is a custom for the grandfather to select a name, and the one I had chosen was Zaziwe—which means “Hope.”

The name had special meaning for me, for during all my years in prison hope never left me—and now it never would. I was convinced that this child would be a part of a new generation of South Africans for whom apartheid would be a distant memory—that was my dream. (Long Walk to Freedom,  page 482)

That word, hope, also has special meaning for us, Hatikva. Yosef and Mandela teach us that we should live with hope and not fear. This lesson is true not only on the National and Political level. It is just profound and important in our personal lives. How often do siblings or friends not talk to each other because instead of creating a brighter future, they are fettered to the past? If Joseph can forgive his brothers for selling him into slavery and Mandela can forgive his jailers and prosecutors for stealing 27 years of his life, I am sure we can be a little more forgiving as well. We do this not only to forgive, but to create a brighter future.

I will conclude with the eloquent words of Rabbi Warren Goldstein, the current chief Rabbi of South Africa:

“The greatest tribute we can pay is to live like Mandela, in accordance with the values he practiced and taught - values of human dignity, forgiveness, kindness, courage, tenacity, strength, honesty and integrity.Let us all resolve to follow President Mandela’s inspiring moral legacy and let us commit to living in accordance with the values he taught us in the most eloquent and powerful sermon of all - his life.”

Singing, Holiness and the Boston Marathon Bombing

I have to admit that the start of this shabbat was one of the most difficult that I can remember. When we lit shabbat candles, the second Boston Marathon Bombing suspect was still at large. The entire Boston was afraid to leave their homes and shuls in Boston had to cancel Friday Night davening for the first time in recent memory. So how could we go into Shabbat as if nothing was wrong? How could we sing “Mizmor shir leyom Ha’shabbat” (The song of Shabbat) when fear and terror was on everyone’s mind? The dissonance was especially felt here at Beth Sholom as we celebrate our second annual shir-on-shabbat, a shabbat full of music and joy. How can we sing in the wake of this past week’s events in Boston?

To answer this question I turned to the second verse of parshat Kedoshim (the second parshah from this morning). G-d tells Moshe to speak to the Children of Israel and tell them two very important words. “Kedoshim Tihiyu” (You shall be holy). Beautiful idea! The only problem is that the Torah does not define Holiness. How do we achieve it? What do we do and How does it help us respond to the events of this past week?

So I first turned to Rashi. Rashi says something profound. Rashi says:

קדושים תהיו - הוו פרושים מן העריות ומן העבירה, שכל מקום שאתה מוצא גדר ערוה אתה מוצא קדושה

According to Rashi, “holiness is separating oneself from immorality and sin. Any place that is free of sin, is holy.”

This is a negative definition of holiness. To create holiness we must prevent sin. While this is profound, it did not help me emotionally respond to Boston. I was searching for a more positive definition of holiness. Something that I could actively do to respond and bring holiness into the world after such profanity.

I therefore turned to an important Chassidic text from Rav Nachman of Breslov (18th - 19th century Chassidic Master from Ukraine) which talks about singing, holiness and will hopefully give us a way to begin processing the events of last week.

The text is found in Likutei Moharan 282 and is called “Azamra” (I will sing).

Rav Nachman has three main points that build one on the other.

Point 1 -

דע, כי צריך לדון את כל אדם לכף זכות , ואפילו מי שהוא רשע גמור, צריך לחפש ולמצא בו איזה מעט טוב, שבאותו המעט אינו רשע, ועל ידי זה שמוצא בו מעט טוב, ודן אותו לכף זכות, על-ידי-זה מעלה אותו באמת לכף זכות, ויוכל להשיבו בתשובה

“Know that you must judge everyone favorably. Even if someone is completely evil, we must search and find a little good, a small part of him that has not been touched by evil. And through finding that little good and judging him favorably (i.e. focusing on that small part), you can raise him in truth to the good side and assist him in doing repentance.”

This first point might be difficult when thinking about the kind of evil that we saw this week. But think about someone in your life who you struggle with. You immediately think about the bad (and there might be a lot of bad). Now try to search and come up with something good about them. Focus on it for a second. Remind yourself that they have that good quality. Rav Nachman is teaching us that if we did that more often for more people, we could try bring them to teshuva and perhaps change the world. That is point #1.

Point 2:

כמו כן הוא אצל האדם בעצמו, שצריך לדון את עצמו לכף זכות, ולמצא בעצמו איזה נקדה טובה עדין, כדי לחזק את עצמו שלא יפול לגמרי, חס ושלום, רק אדרבא יחיה את עצמו, וישמח את נפשו במעט הטוב שמוצא בעצמו, דהינו מה שזכה לעשות מימיו איזה מצוה או איזה דבר טוב

Similarly, a person must judge himself favorably. One must find something good about himself in order to strengthen himself not to fall [in depression]. but be happy with the good...

Rav Nachman’s second point is that sometimes we get down on ourselves. We think that nothing is going right, we are not succeeding and there is no point. When this happens, Rav Nachman reminds us that must immediately search and find something that we are good at and focus on it. Meditate on it. Allow us to feel good about ourselves and this will truly allow us to regain our joy and then in turn be better people. This is point #2.

And then Rav Nachman, with point three, ties this to song and holiness and hopefully it will bring us back to Boston.

Point 3:

וכן יחפש וילקט עוד הנקודות טובות, ועל-ידי-זה נעשין נגונים...והכלל כי נגינה דקדושה היא גבוה מאד מאד כידוע, ועקר הנגון נעשה, על-ידי ברור הטוב מן הרע, שעל-ידי שמבררין ומלקטין הנקדות טובות מתוך הרע, על-ידי-זה נעשים נגונים וזמירות, עיין שם היטב].

When one gathers these good “points,” one makes song... The general principle is that holy song is very lofty. Song is created through separating out the good from the bad. Through separating and collecting the good from the bad, song is created.

I think that Rav Nachman is trying to figure out, what is the difference between noise and music? We hear so much noise and most of it is negative. The screeching of cars in traffic, noise pollution, people yelling at each other and making noise and commotion. However, there are also beautiful sounds and when we can collect the few beautiful sounds and arrange them in a pleasant way, we have made music. We have transformed the noise and cacophony of life into a melodious music that inspires and uplifts.

This past week, we heard many sounds. We heard a lot of noise and it was mostly negative. We heard sounds of explosions, screams of pain, gunshots and hateful words. But we also heard some beautiful and loving sounds. We heard the sounds of footsteps of marathoners who had just run 26 miles and then ran back to the explosion to help out. We heard the sounds of the EMT’s and first responders and they rushed to help. We heard beautiful sounds of interfaith prayer and song as people in Boston try to come back together on Thursday. We heard sounds of many parents who tucked their small children at night, hugged them a little tighter and then sung them lullabies or the shema. We heard the sounds of cheering the police after they literally were up for more than 24 hours searching for the second suspect, and then found him on Friday night.

And for us, it is hard to remember that this past week was Yom Haatzmaut. On Tuesday morning, I got to hear the sweet innocent sounds of our nursery school children marching on their Yom Ha’atzmaut parade and singing the Hatikvah, declaring that we have hope in our world despite tragedies that seem to happen way too often.

Yes, when we look at our world and listen it seems to be full of negative noises. The negative ones seem to be very loud and overwhelming. But Rav Nachman teaches us that we have a choice. We can search and find those beautiful sounds which are usually more subtle and not as loud. If we find them and collect them and arrange them into a melody, we have just created music. This is how we must respond to last week and this is how we must live our lives.

In a few moments we are going to say Kedusha. We sing the songs that the angels sing:

קדוש קדוש קדוש ד' צב-אות

Holy, Holy, Holy Master of Legions.

Why say Kadosh (“Holy”) three times. To me it is saying, even though the world sometimes seems so profane, if we take a second look and dig a little deeper we will find a little holiness in that corner. And then a little more holiness over there and then more holiness under there. And if we go around and collect all of those holy sparks, then

מלא כל הארץ כבודו.

We will realize that the entire world is full of G-d’s glory. The entire world is full of holiness. The entire world is a Holy Song. Kedoshim Tihiyu. You shall be holy by collecting sparks of holiness and creating song.

After a difficult week, we must sing “Mizmor Shir L’yom Ha’Shabbat” (The song of shabbat). We must look at others and find the good. We must look at ourselves and focus on the positve. And we must find all of the beautiful sounds in the world and out of the cacophony of life, we must make music.

May Hashem grant all of those injured a Refuah Shlaimah (Both Refuas Haguf (healing of the body) and refuas hanefesh (healing of the soul) May the city of Boston have the courage to rise up again and may all of us listen very carefully and gather the sparks of holiness and create beautiful music.

Sermon Parshat Yitro - "The Letter from G-d"

I want to tell you about a meeting I had a few weeks ago in my office (I will change some of the details to obscure the identity of the man I met with). The individual came into my office and after exchanging a few pleasantries, I asked him why he wanted to meet with me. He told me that on September 22, 2004 at exactly 7:32 PM he was sitting in his living room and he heard a rustle out in the backyard. He opened his back door to see what it was and there was this bright light, the likes of which he had never seen before. And then the light started talking. It introduced itself as G-d. G-d explained all of the  mysteries of creation and history and then G-d said that all previous Law was no longer binding and instead there would only be two laws. G-d then said that this man had to go convince the world to follow the laws.

As I am sitting there (trying not to look shocked!), I was thinking, “my rabbinical school certainly did not train me for this one!

The man then asked me a question. “I know that people will think I am crazy for claiming to see G-d but how different am I than Moses at the Burning Bush?” How different am I than all of the Jews who received the Torah at Har Sinai? How different am I from Ezekiel, Isaiah and Jeremiah? Why is it that if you had a vision of G-d thousands of years ago in the Sinai Desert you are a Prophet but if you have a vision of G-d today in Potomac, people think you should be in the Psych Ward?
I am not going to answer that question, that is your homework?

But then he asked me a second question which is even more significant.
He asked me, “Did G-d ever talk to you?” This is such an important question on Parshat Yitro. There was a revelation at Sinai, G-d spoke directly to the people. This is the foundation of our religion. But the problem is that we never experienced it so what is our religion based on. Does G-d ever talk to us?

I will get back to this question in a few minutes but first, I would like to share a gemara with you that begins to answer the question.
The gemara quotes the posuk from Amos.

הנה ימים באים נאם אדני יהוה והשלחתי רעב בארץ לא רעב ללחם ולא צמא למים כי אם לשמע את דברי יהוה

Days are coming when there will be a famine. But what kind of famine. Not a famine for bread nor thirst for water but a famine from hearing the words of Hashem
And the posuk continues:

ונעו מים עד ים ומצפון ועד מזרח ישוטטו לבקש את דבר יהוה ולא ימצאו

They will go from sea to sea and from North to East to seek out the word of Hashem, but they will not find it.

The Gemara in shabbat asks, what is this Dvar Hashem (Word of G-d) that they are trying to find but cannot find? Three answers.
One answer is דבר ד’ זו קץ. they are trying to figure out then end of times. when will Moshiach come?
A second answer is דבר ד’ זו נבואה. They are going all over the world to find a prophet, a guru. Someone who can give them the direct word of G-d with certainty. They travel to India, they travel to the Far East, but they cannot find what they are looking for.
And then there is third answer which the gemara seems to adopt. דבר ד’ זו הלכה. the word of Hahsem is the Halacha. It is torah. We dont have to go around the world to hear the voice of Hashem. All we have to do is go to the bookshelf and open a Chumash, open a Talmud. Everytime we study a Posuk or a passage from the Talmud it is a letter from G-d (or an email or a tweet!) giving us a message that is relevant for us at that moment.

So now let me return to the fellow who set up the meeting with me. He asked me, “Does G-d ever speak to you?” I told him, “Yes. Every day.” I pointed to my bookshelf full of sefarim (jewish texts) and I said, “Everytime I open up any of these books, it is a letter from G-d.” G-d is talking to me! G-d is telling me what I need to know at that moment. The message is not always crystal clear. Sometimes, I have to really think about it. Turn the text over and over until it becomes clear. And sometimes, I am still not sure at the end, but I am sure that G-d talks to me all the time.

Allow me to quote a beautiful passage from Rabbi Chaim Volozhin (from Nefesh Hachaim Shaar Daled).
He quotes the beautiful posuk from Tehillim which everyone should meditate on every day.

טוב לי תורת פיך מאלפי זהב וכסף

Hashem - The Torah from your mouth is better than thousands of gold and silver coins.
What does it mean when it says the Torah of your mouth. Reb Chaim explains that every time I utter a word of Torah, it is, literally, right now coming out of the mouth of Hashem. Everytime we learn, G-d is talking to us. It is a letter from G-d.

This is why Torah is so valuable. It is the most important thing. More important than wealth. More important than our houses and cars.

Here is the difficult question. Do we really believe this truth? Do we live this truth?
We say in the Blessing on Torah study, והערב נא, Hashem please make the torah sweet for us and for our children and grandchildren. Do our children and grandchildren know how how sweet it is to us? How important it is to us? Do we demonstrate (in word and deed) that Torah is more important than our houses, Than our cars, than our poker nights and favorite TV shows. Do we let them know that Torah study is more important than their secular educations and professional degrees (Uh Oh. I am going to get in trouble for that one!).
Lets let them know that Torah is more important because Torah is a letter from G-d. Hashem talks to us every time we study Torah.

Let me conclude with a story. When I was in the 4th or 5th grade I went to the Telshe Yeshiva in Cleveland Ohio for a shabbat to celebrate the Siyyum Hamishnayot (completion of mishnah study). We were a group of about 200 4th - 6th grades boys. The highlight of shabbat was when Rabbi Mordechai Gifter (one of the greatest Torah sages of the last century) came to talk to us. I will never forget what he said.
“Boys, I want you to remember something for the rest of your lives. Every time you open the gemara and it says, ‘amar abaye, amar rava’ (Abaye Says or Rava Says) it is really answering the following question. “vas zakt der Ribbono shel olam” What does G-d have to say? Everytime we read a posuk, we should think, “what does G-d have to say to me right now.” G-d has a message for me to help me with whatever I am going through. Whether I am suffering and I need some comfort. Or I am struggling with a dilemma and I need a direction or I am feeling uninspired and looking for a spiritual infusion all I have to do is open the Torah and its a letter from G-d talking to me, encouraging me, comforting me and challenging me.

On this week as we read Parshat Yitro, the parshah of revelation, let us remember that revelation was not only an historical event that happened thousands of years ago. It happens each and every day. Every time, we study Torah, it is a letter from G-d. G-d is talking to us. All we have to do is listen.