A few weeks ago (just before Rosh Hashana), I went on a century bike ride with a number of people from our shul bike club. I have been on a number of centuries before, but this one was different. I didn't really train for it and I was really not ready. Mile 40 felt like mile 60, mile 60 felt like I was already at mile 80 and by the time I actually got to the rest stop at mile 80, I was spent. I had nothing left and I still had 20 miles left. It was at the rest stop that I heard people saying that because of the indirect nature of the the final 20 miles, it was possible to do a direct 6 miles back to the finish line. That would make a total of 86 miles, not bad for a ride! But there was no way that I was going to take the shortcut! I set out to do 100 and I was going to do it no matter how I felt. I rode the last 20. It was painful, slow, hard. Each and every short hill felt like a steep climb. But I finally finished.
When I got home, Sarah, my wife, asked me how the ride was. I told her how hard and painful it was. To which she said, “let me get this straight, I let you take an entire day off to go on a bike ride. I watch the kids by myself take them to all of their activities, make them lunch and dinner (all this a week before rosh hashana!) and you did not even enjoy yourself. ….
But of course I felt excited about my Marathon like accomplishment. But that feeling didn't last. You see, I tried to use the momentum of the century to break into a more regular exercise pattern. ½ hour a day, 4 times a week. But I have failed miserably.
I realized that it was easier for me to ride 100 miles in one day then exercise ½ hour, (or even just 10 minutes!) 3 times a week for a longer term.
This really got me thinking about how in so many areas of life, it is easier to to do the herculean task than the disciplined, consistent, ongoing daily or weekly behavior.
A few examples:
Torah - It is easier to literally stay up all night on shavuot or learn Torah for 6 hours straight than incorporate a daily 5-10 minute learning practice into your life.
Many of you know, I am very fond of the Daf Yomi, the practice of studying a page of Talmud a day. Thank G-d, we have about 30 members of our shul who have been studying a page of talmud since the summer of 2012 and are hoping to finish on January 4 2020. The most important part of Daf Yomi, is not the daf. It is the Yomi. The idea that we are learning something every day. It could be an Amud, or a mishna, or an aliyah from that week's Torah reading, a chapter of Tanach. It doesn't matter what it is. It only matters that it is Yomi.
The same is true about so many areas of life. We want to be good parents, spouses, children, and friends. So what do we do? When there is a crisis or a celebration, we are there. We will fly around the world to be there, stay up all night etc. But what about the Yomi (daily) or even Shvui (weekly). At the end of each week, can we think of quality time we spent with each of our kids, or one thing we did special for our spouse. Sure, we will find the strength to be Marathon parents, spouses, children or friends. But what about the daily and weekly.
Sarah and I had a friend in NY who was in a 12 step program and part of her recovery process was to do a small act of chesed every day. It sounds easy. But it isn't when it has to be Yomi. She described how sometimes at the end of a long day, she would realize that she had not done an act of chesed. She would have to go down to the street and try to find something she could do. Living in Manhattan, she described some amazing things. But the real question is not if we can do Marathon Chesed in crisis mode but if we can do a small act of chesed, Yomi.
There is a line in the Vidui (confession) that makes me shudder every time I read it.
הרי אני לפניך ככלי מלא בושה וכלימה
“I am before You (G-d) like a vessel full of shame and humiliation.”
We have all of these negative emotions inside - Shame, embarrassment, remorse, regret. These feelings are so heavy, especially regret and the inner shame it causes. What do we do with our regrets? It is so hard.
I believe that most of the regrets that we have in life do not come because we were not that marathon parent, spouse, friend or jew. Because we probably found the energy during that crisis mode. Our regrets come from failing to do the Yomi stuff.
This past Sunday, we dedicated the Torah classroom as Chuck’s room, in honor and memory of my dear friend Chuck Wheeler who passed away a few months ago.. At the dedication, Chuck’s Hebrew teacher called him a “Matmid,” which means a diligent and persistent student. She pointed out that the root of “Matmid” is “Tamid” which means continuous.
In the temple, there were two kinds of sacrifices. Tamid (daily) and Musaf (additional on holidays like rosh hashana, Yom Kippur). The Tamid is basis for Shacharit and the Musaf for, you guessed it, Musaf. Which one is more important? Let's say they only had one animal. Or let’s say we can only pray either Shacharit or Musaf, which one is more important? The daily boring one done each and every day or the special one, with the longer elaborate service that is dedicated for special occasions?
תדיר ושאינו תדיר, תדיר קדם
This rule is not only about order. It is also about priority. If you can only do one, you do the boring daily one over the exciting Marathon one! In Judaism, the boring daily one wins out every time! It is because it is the boring commitment of the Yomi stuff that makes us as people.
Sometimes I wonder: What if G-d’s commitment to us was like our commitment to G-d and to other people.
What if G-d was really good in the crisis mode at being a Marathon G-d but not so good at the daily stuff.
We thank G-d in the Modim prayer for נסיך שבכל יום עמנו - the miracles of everyday. The fact that we have food to eat, the fact that when we eat food, we are able to digest it. The fact that when we wake up, there is oxygen for us to breathe. We thank Hashem that these miracles are כל יום (every day).
Every day, Tamid. G-d is a Matmid!
Could you imagine if G-d said, I will do it when I can. If I provide oxygen 90% of days, that is pretty good.
No, we need it to be “Yomi.” So then we also need to be “Yomi.”
I want to conclude with a story but the story needs a brief introduction. Many of us know the 12’th Ani Maamin (“I believe”) of Maimonides.
אני מאמן באמונה שלמה בביאת המשיח
I believe with perfect faith in the coming of Moshiach. I believe that this world can be perfected that my actions matter and that I can make a difference.
ואע"פ שיתמהמה
And even though Moshiach is delayed and it sometimes seems like the world is regressing and that I cannot do anything to make a real difference.
עם כל זה אחכה לו בכל יום שיבוא
I still wait for Moshiach. I still have hope and act and live my life with that faith and hope.
But there are two extra words. I wait “Kol Yom” - every day. It must be Kol Yom, daily.
So here is the story about that Ani Maamin.
Reb Azriel Dovid Fastag owned a simple clothing store in Poland before the war. His livelihood came from the store but his passion was composing nigunim for his Rebbe, Rabbi Shaul Yedidya Elazar, the Modzitzer rebbe. When one of his new niggunim arrived in Modzitz, it was mamash a yom tov for the rebbe. Reb Azriel Dovid was also the chazan in the Modzitzer Shtibel (shul) in Warsaw.
In the late 1930’s the rebbe escaped and eventually made his way to NY but unfortunately many of his chassidim, including Rav Azriel Dovid, were left behind.
One very dark day, Rav Azriel Dovid and the jews of his town were rounded up and put in cattle cars on a train to Treblinka.
As an aside, I always like to look up cities on a map when I hear about them in stories. So I went on Google Maps and found Warsaw and then Treblinka and hit the button for car directions. It said that Warsaw-Treblinka was an hour and a half drive. But Rav Azriel was not in a car, he was on a train. So I asked for train directions. You know what it said: “Sorry, there are no trains routes from Warsaw to Treblinka.” If only that would have been the answer 70 years ago.
But it wasn't. And Rav Azriel and most of the Modzitzer Chassidim from Warsaw were on that train.
Inside the crowded cars, the situation was deteriorating. Imagine the starvation, the crowding, the gasping for air the stench as the days wore on, the crying children and the parents who couldn't help. It was awful.
All of the sudden, in the midst of that awful scene, Reb Azriel Dovid, saw the letters of the Ani Maamin before his eyes. And he started composing a tune. He hummed at first and then he started singing softly:
Ani Maamin, Ani Maamin, B’emunah Shlaima. Beviat Hamoshiach, Beviat Hamoshiach Ani Maamin.
As his voice got louder, people started listening and then joining in. They no longer felt their hunger or could smell the stench. First the parents then the kids and pretty soon the entire cattle car was singing:
Ani Maamin, Ani Maamin, B’emunah Shlaima. Beviat Hamoshiach, Beviat Hamoshiach Ani Maamin.
Then the people in the next car overheard and started singing. Eventually the entire train of cattle cars stuffed with Jews (chassidic, misnagdic, religious, and secular) racing along the beautiful countryside from Warsaw to Treblinka was singing:
Ani Maamin, Ani Maamin, B’emunah Shlaima. Beviat Hamoshiach, Beviat Hamoshiach Ani Maamin.
Reb Azriel David opened his eyes to the sight of the singing train. He ripped off part of his shirt and wrote down the musical notes of the song he had just composed. He then said: “If Anyone brings this shirt, with the musical notes, to my rebbe in NY, will get half of my share in the World to Come.
Two young men appeared, promising to bring the song to the Rebbe at any cost. One of them climbed upon the other, and finding a small crack of the train's roof broke out a hole from which to escape.
The two proceeded to jump off and eventually were able to bring the song to the Modzitzer Rebbe in New York.
It is told that on the first Yom Kippur that the Modzitzer Rebbe sang the Ani Ma'amin, there were thousands of Jews in the shul. The entire congregation burst into tears,
"With this niggun," said Rebbe Shaul Yedidya Elazar, "the Jewish people went to the gas chambers. And with this niggun, the Jews will march to greet Moshiach."
When I think about this story, while I am of course very inspired by what happened on the Cattle car, I am more inspired by what happened later. The song made it to NY and so many Jews sang it and were inspired by it daily living their faith and their values Kol Yom, every day. What happened on that train was truly heroic. It was the ultimate Marathon Judaism and G-d gave them the strength to sing the Ani Maamin. But what happened and continues to happen every day as people are inspired by that story and others and live a life of hope and faith in a world in which their daily actions matter, this is the essence of life. This is living Yomi.
May Hashem bless all of us with the ability to live out our Values Yomi. May we have the courage to continue working on ourselves and transform those regrets and shame into beautiful Mitzvot and acts of Chesed. May we all be inscribed for a wonderful 5777!
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