“What is on your bucketlist? On living a mission-driven life”
Rosh Hashana 5778 - Rabbi Nissan Antine
I am going to open by sharing something which might be a little too personal. Here goes: I think I am having an early midlife crisis. (At least, I hope it is early as I am only 38!). There are no fancy red sport cars in my dreams….I just cannot stop thinking about these crazy long bike trips that I want to take. I want to bike across the country, through europe, see all of the National Parks. Lately, the first section in the newspaper that I read is the Travel Section. (I know it is pretty pathetic!). Now all of these dreams are not happening anytime soon. It take months to bike across the country and I have a family and a job, so it's not really realistic. So I keep telling myself, I will put it on my bucketlist. My bucketlist keeps growing.
The other day, as I was reviewing my mental bucketlist, I realized that there was something very wrong with it, even shameful. I discovered this as I was reviewing the Rosh Hashana davening. In the section discussing the theme of G-d judging us today, we say that G-d looks at “Maaseh Ish, Upekudaso.” What does this mean? Ma’aseh Ish is easy to translate. It means our actions or deeds. But what does Pekudaso mean? It is a strange word which most commentaries say is related to the word, Tafkid - your purpose or mission. In other words, on Rosh Hashana, G-d looks at two columns. On one side, we have all of our actions. How do we spend our time. What have we done and what do we want to do? What is on our bucketlists!?
And then G-d looks at the other side. What is our unique mission in this world. What is it that only you (or I) can accomplish that nobody else in the world can do? We always think that others will step up. But nobody else can be your child’s father or mother. Nobody else can be there for that friend who is going through something and only you will be in position to understand how to help. Nobody else can take your unique G-d given talents and situation in life and do those things that only you can do.
So I looked at my bucketlist. Nothing terribly wrong. But does anything on my long bucketlist have anything to do with my Tafkid - my mission and purpose for being here?
We need to look at our lives. We try our best to keep kosher, shabbat and be nice etc etc. Our Maaseh Ish (our actions) are pretty good when weighed alone. But then we should ask, are we doing what we can to fulfill our mission?
Many of you work in companies or organizations and have spent hours and hours crafting your employer's mission statement, 5 year plan and yearly goals. I bet that I could wake you up in the middle of the night and you could rattle off your employer’s one line mission statement.
But how many people here in this room, if I would wake you up in the middle of the night, could give me your one liner? The reason why you exist, why you are here, your purpose and mission.
The question of our “mission” is very important especially on Rosh Hashana. We have this idea that the world was created and it will just go on and on. We think that we have been created and we will just go on and on and until we get old and die.
But the Slonimer Rebbe (Nesivos Shalom - Rosh Hashana 1:3), in explaining why Judgement Day occurs on the anniversary of creation, explains as follows. When G-d created the world, it was just a one year lease. If the world does not fulfill its mission, it will not get another year. We (humans) are also created with one year leases. Here is the scary thought. Every year, G-d judges and decides is we are living up to our mission (or maybe have already fulfilled our mission). If we are not fulfilling our mission, we are not given another year.
But this leads us to the next question. How do we know what our unique mission is? It is not as if we are born with a little note attached to our toe with a “mission statement” on it. So where do we find it?
Well, I cannot think of a definition of practicing judaism, that does not include turning to Torah study as a means to figure out our mission, our 5 year plan and yearly goals. One of the best ways to do this is look at the Torah reading on any given day. One of my deep beliefs (אני מאמין) is that I can turn to the Torah portion of the week and find guidance for my life.
So if we turn to the Rosh Hashana readings, we find Avraham and Sarah and Chanah struggling with their tests. Avraham had 10. The Slonimer Rebbe teaches us that every person has their own 10 tests and when we struggle with them we are fulfilling our life’s mission. You see, even if it is hard for us to know our mission, there is one being that knows exactly what our mission is. It is the Yetzer Hara (our inclination to do bad). So it creates difficulties and challenges (10 tests) in fulfilling our mission. So even though we don’t know exactly what our mission is, it usually has something to do precisely with those areas of life that are the most difficult. Precisely when we want to run away, that is the place we need to go to in order to fulfill our mission.
When we hear the shofar in a few minutes, let us all think about those challenging places and commit to work on them because that just might be our mission in life.
But I want us to also think about mission in a more expansive way than the individual. Our shul as a community also has a mission or a tafkid. Please think about your role in that overall mission. Do we do enough to support our community members in times of difficulty and times of celebration. Do we do enough to welcome newcomers and share the gifts of our community with others?
One final important question about community mission. A shul is many things but it is nothing if it is not a davening community. Do you do enough to support minyan during the week? Everyone expects the community to be there with a minyan when they are in their year of mourning. The question is do we support it before and after that year. Coming to daily minyan also gives us a wonderful opportunity to review our mission and make sure that our actions are corresponding to our life’s mission.
I want to conclude by reading a letter from Udi, a 17 year old Israeli boy, to his friend. Udi wrote the letter from his hospital room just weeks before he died from cancer. (The letter comes from Rabbi Yechiel Spero's amazing book, "Touched by a Story - 2)
A week ago, our teacher came to visit me. Pretty nice of him. I felt terrible for all of the pranks we used to play on him. I really wanted to ask him for mechilah (forgiveness) but i just didnt have the courage. I figured I would ask him before Rosh Hashana but who knows if I will live until then. He brought me a box of chocolates. I tried some but the taste was awful. Everything i eat tastes like metal.
I thought about Arik. Remember him? He was the sweet kid from America with whom we used to joke around. He kind of disappeared about 5 years ago. I wish I could apologize to him for teasing him so.
But what I regret most is the way I have treated my little sister Michal. As you know she is my only sister. She always wanted to play with me or have me read her a book. But I never could. I was always too busy. I always had something more important to do. What I would give to sit next to her and hold her hand and read her a story, or even to just play with her. How I wish I could be at her Bat Mitzvah. …
I think about the way I have treated my parents. I always felt they were old fashioned. Just thinking about the way I have acted to them makes me feel so sad. They look as though they have aged 10 years in the last three months.
But the truth is that I am not afraid to die. I know that i will be going to a better world, a better place. But I have one regret. I just wish I could have done more. I wish I had had a better relationship with my parents, my sister, my friends, my teachers. Wish Hashem.
I haven't gone to shul in a long time. When i was healthy I never got out of bed early in the morning, but yesterday as I put on my Tefilin I thought to myself: What would I give to answer an Amen, to say kedushah, to hear a leining, to be with a tzibbur (minyan)....
I wish I could visit the Kotel one last time and kiss the stones and pour out my heart to Hashem. I wish I could run my hand over those rocks and caress them one last time. How I desire to put one last Kvitel (letter) in the cracks of those ancient stones and feel the warmth of their embrace.
I am really thankful for everything I have been blessed with. I just wish I could have more time - more time to appreciate Hashem’s world - the smell of His flowers, the sounds of his birds chirping, the breathtaking beauty of His skyline, the music of His creation. I only I had one more year, one more month, even one more week. But, I don’t.
I don’t have much more strength left but I want to ask you for one last favor. Promise me that you will take my words to heart. Promise me that you will spead them to others.
I am sorry that my words are smudged. It is my tears that are soaking the paper. But I am not ashamed of them. I am ready to accept what Hashem has decreed. I just wish I had more time to accomplish, more time to do.
I will miss you.
Your friend forever, Udi.
This letter is so hard to read. It is a 17 year old boy feeling pain because he desperately wants more time to fulfill his missions in life, his Tafkid.
Friends, we are also praying and hoping that we have more time. Let us commit to use the weeks, months, and years - that Hashem gives us - to fulfill our Mission and purpose in life.
And if we dig deep into our souls and make that commitment, may G-d give us all of the blessings we will need to work on our Tafkid. May Hashem grant us a year of health, livelihood, and answer all of our deepest prayers.
