Yom Kippur Sermon 5773 - “The Virtue of Silence”

I would like to begin by conducting a little survey. It is about email. When within how long do you expect a response email? How long does it take for you to start getting annoyed that you have not heard back?

1. Raise your hand if you expect an email back within an hour? (Be honest its Yom Kippur)!
2. Raise your hand if you expect a response within 4 hours?
3. Raise your hand if when you send someone an email you are ok with them waiting more than 24 hours to respond.

According to one study:

1. 19% of people expect an email to be responded to in less than an hour.
2. 68% expect an email response in less 4 hours
3. and only 4% think that someone has a more than a day to respond.

Very important point of information....In case you have emailed me lately, please remember that I am in the 4% and I always assume that everyone else in the 4%!

What about texting? Texting is even worse. Some studies show that after someone sends a text, they begin to get annoyed, if they do not hear back within 5 minutes!
Another very important piece of information....In case you have texted me lately and have not gotten a response, please be aware that I have blocked the texting feature on my phone!
(while we are at it, I dont do facebook so if you tried to friend me, please dont be offended).

We live in what I call a “rapid response society.” We are always in a cycle of emails and responses and texts and when do we ever have time just to sit and reflect, to contemplate,  to just be silent.

In our society, people are valued for their speech. We say, “that person is a great speaker, or a great conversationalist. This person is a wonderful communicator. great with social media. They have so many friends on Facebook and so many followers on twitter. Every Youtube video gets thousands of hits, every tweet (in 140 characters or less) is read by so many people. This is how we praise people.
When was the last time you heard someone say, “Wow that person is really good at silence.” Silence is no longer valued in our culture.

How different is our own Jewish tradition. Consider the Al Chets (confessions on Yom Kippur)
There are a total of 44 Al Chets.
Did you know that 11 of them stem from not being silent. So many of the al chets have to do with talking (Lashon Hara, Richilut, gossip, vulgar speech, idle chatter etc)

So many of our problems stem from that fact that we have such a hard time just being silent. The virtue of silence is almost lost from our culture.

Rabban Shimon be Gamliel says,

כל ימי גדלתי בין החכמים ולא מצאתי לגוף טוב משתיקה

“All my days I grew up amongst the scholars, and I found nothing better than silence”
Another gemara says: יסוד לחכמה שתיקה - The foundation of wisdom is silence

The great leader of the Mussar movement, Rav Yisrael Salanter defined the virtue of Shtikah as following: יחשב את התועלת שבדבריו קודם שידבר
“Consider the result of your words before you speak”

This doesnt mean, we should never speak, it just means we have to consider the impact of our words before they get out of our mouth. Equal to the number of sins we commit through speech is the amount of mitzvot that we perform with speech; Davening, Learning, think about all the acts of chesed and welcoming we can do with speech.
The virtue of silence doesnt mean that we never speak, it just means that we think before we speak.
Will my words Hurt or will they Heal.
Will they tear down or will they build up.

Let us do a little experiment. I want you to take your two lips and purse them together. Now, keeping your lips pursed, clench your top and bottom teeth together. The mussar masters (Orchot Tzadikim) call this the double door to your brain. Not everything we think should be said. G-d gave us a double door which we can close. It is up to us to know when to open it and when to close. So many problems come when dont use that door wisely. Our society has lost the virtue of silence.

The virtue of silence goes beyond refraining from harmful words.

When Rav Yehuda Amital the amazing head of Yeshivat Har Etzion and former member of the Israeli Cabinet, passed away 2 years ago, his son Yoel gave a very powerful Eulogy. He shared that when he was a child, there was one gemara that his father made him memorize. It was The gemara in shabbat 88b which praises those who are שומעים חרפתם ואינם משיבים
Who are criticised but are silent. When negative things are said about them, they dont respond.
How different is that from our culture. In our season of elections and campaigns, if one campaign goes negative and the other doesnt respond right away, everyone will think its true so they get into a perpetual cycle of criticism and negativity.
Well this strategy might work in Politics but it doesnt work in spirituality. It does not work in interpersonal relationships and it does not work in our relationship with G-d. We have to be silent so we can hear criticism. So we can listen to how we can do it better. This is the path of Teshuva. Silence is the key.

Finally, silence is important in order to do what the great master of mussar, Rav Shlomo Volbe, called “building an interior self.” We spend so much time building the exterior; our homes, our careers. But how much time do we spend building the interior. Asking ourselves, what do we believe in. What are our commitments and values? Where were we last year Yom Kippur, we are we this year, and where do we want to be next year.
Silence is the key to doing this kind of interior work, but we have lost the virtue of silence.

But Judaism takes silence one step further. Silence is not just a matter of decorum during the service, it is not just a virtue, it is a Halakhic requirement. There are times when it is forbidden to speak.
1.) אסור לאדם לספר דברים של חול בשבת (It is forbidden to have “weekday” conversation on shabbat)
2.) כיון שנפתח ספר תורה אסור לדבר. (when the Torah is open, it is forbidden to speak)
3.) אסור לדבר מברוך שאמר עדסוף ישתבח ומברכו עד סוף שמונה עשרה (It is forbidden to speak during davening [prayer] from Baruch Sheamoar to the end of the silent shmoneh esre)
Asur, Asur, Asur! The same shulchan aruch (code of Jewish Law) that says it is forbidden to eat pork says it is forbidden to speak during prayer. Nobody here would even think about eating Pork but nobody thinks twice about talking during davening (prayer)!
We have truly lost the virtue of silence.

There is one medrash that use to scare me when I was younger but now I am not even sure it exists. The Midrash says “we are given a certain number of words at birth. as soon as we use them we die!
Our words our precious. Remember, we have the double door and we can choose when to speak and when to be silent. A little more silence will go a long way in the process of Teshuva.

Let me conclude by sharing a personal anecdote.
When I was a child I went to a small shtiebel in Cleveland. I have vivid memories of Yom Kippur. The Chazan was a close family friend who unfortunately died way too young from cancer but I still remember all of his Yom Kippur tunes and sing them to myself during davening.  I also remember the rabbi on Yom Kippur very clearly.
My rabbi growing up did not speak on Yom Kippur. He had a Taanis Dibbur (speech fast). He would not speak from the beginning of Kol Nidrei until after the final shofar blast.
Because he was doing his Taanis dibbur, he did not give a kol NIdrei talk. He did not give a pre-yizkor talk. If a guest would visit on Yom Kippur and come up to the rabbi and say shalom aleichem, the rabbi would motion and someone would quickly explain that the rabbi was doing a Taanis Dibbur.
את חטאי אני מזכיר היום. I remember when I was a teenager, I was critical of him. How could the rabbi ignore his responsibility to welcome guests because he wants to do a taanis dibbur? How can the rabbi ignore his responsibility of inspiring his congregation with a Talk.
But I now realize that he was right. I do not remember even one speech from that rabbi. I am sure they were good, but they were words and I just don’t remember them. The only thing I remember from him is his Taanis Dibur. He taught me the power of silence. Watching him daven with so much Kavanah deep in prayer davening with his entire being without the distraction of speech is something that I will not forget. It has much more of an impact than any speech.

I know that some of you are thinking (especially the cynics)? If silence is so important, and the best lesson that i learned from my rabbi was silence, why am I giving a speech? Maybe I should just take on a Taanis Dibbur and get you home 15 minutes earlier!

I can only quote from Elie Weisel. Elie Weisel is associated with being the voice of the victims of the shoah. On the one hand, he was very against silence especially in response to evil. in Night, Wiesel says, I did not fast [on yom kippur]...I no longer accepted God's silence. As I swallowed my bowl of soup, I saw in the gesture an act of rebellion and protest against Him. [39]
but he also understands the profound importance of silence. His books tend to be short and his sentences clipped. It is as if the silence after the sentence is more important than the sentence itself.
Weisel once said in an interview:
If I could communicate what I have to say through not publishing, I would do it. If I could, to use a poetic image, communicate a Silence through silence I would do so. But I cannot. Perhaps I am not strong enough or wise enough.

So I would like to ask all of us to consider taking on a mini Taanis Dibur. The entire Yom Kippur might be too long, but how about for the rest of Maariv/Mussaf.
Let me guide you on how to do it. Begin with Bli Neder. Without making a vow (we just did Kol Nidrei!)....
I commit to not engage in idle chatter during the rest of Maariv. Note: we do not commit to not speak at all. There is davening. Helping out newcomers with a page. Being friendly when it is necessary; these are examples of mitzvah-chatter.  But no idle chatter. We know the difference.

Lets grow together in our silence in the next 24 hours. may we all be inscribed and sealed in the book of life. May we be blessed with  a year of health, prosperity, and peace and a year in which all of our prayers are answered.

Rosh Hashana Sermon 5773 - "Jewish History and Jewish Memory"

A few weeks ago, my 6 year old, Johanna, learned to ride a bike. I do not think I will ever forget that moment. To see her ride off on her own. The joy, the excitement as she cried out “Mommy, Daddy, Look I am riding my bike all by myself.” …

Seeing my daughter ride her bike reminded me of the first time I rode my bike. It is one of the only vivid memories that I have from when I was 5.

One of the themes of Rosh Hashana is memories. Yom Hazikaron. Day of memories.
Why do certain events (good or bad) remain etched in our memory forever while others fade into oblivion? Why is it that I vividly remember learning to ride a bike but I remember almost nothing else from when I was 5. Why is it that we remember exactly where we were at at 8:44 am on Sept 11, 2001 but we probably remember nothing from september 10th of that year?

Is memory selective and if it is selective, can we actively select which events to remember and which events to forget?

We blow the shofar on Rosh Hashana to remind G-d of the Akeidah (Sacrifice of Isaac). What does it mean to “remind” G-d? Does that not imply that G-d forgot.

In order to answer these question, I would like to turn to a very interesting theory of one of the greatest scholars of Jewish Memory, Yosef Hayim Yerushalmi.

Yerushalmi was born in 1932 in the Bronx into a religious familiy. He went to yeshiva as a child, earned his Semikha and served in the Pulpit for a few years before realizing that the life of a rabbi was not for him. He became a Jewish Historian and had a very distinguished career first at Harvard and then at Columbia.

In 1982 he wrote a book called Zakhor: Jewish History and Jewish Memory. In the book, Yerushalmi contrasts Jewish History and Jewish Memory.

While it is true that Judaism is obsessed with Memory and our historical past, we are not historians. Before the 19th century, you can count on one hand the number of self proclaimed Jewish Historians.
What is the difference between Jewish history and Jewish Memory?

• Jewish history is concerned with facts and dates. Jewish Memory is concerned with emotions and meaning.
• Jewish history is studied through history text books while Jewish memory is transmitted through Tefilah and Mitzvoth.
• Jewish History is taught by scholars and teachers in school, Jewish memory is passed down from parent to child in the home.
• The Jewish Historian cannot rest until he unearths all the facts in an unbiased way. Jewish memory is selective. It chooses a few key events and makes them part of the jewish religious memory and religious experience.

Think about Pesach. When our children study all about the Exodus; the dates, the times, what happened, how, when and where - this is Jewish History. Then they come home and celebrate the seder, this is Jewish Memory.

If you go to a lecture about Tisha B’av. You learn the dates, the Roman Generals, the battles - this is Jewish History. You come to shul on Tisha B’av night and sit on the floor and read Eichah in the dark - this is Jewish Memory.

On Rosh Hashana, how does G-d act? Is G-d the Historian with a “capital H” digging up every detail and fact? Does G-d Weigh every sin and every good deed and objectively deliver a verdict. Or is G-d, like the Jewish people engaged, in Jewish memory-making, selecting to remember certain events and forgetting others?

Lets look at the Machzor. The Zichronot (verses of Rememberance) section opens by describing a G-d who remembers everything. Who knows our deepest secrets and motives. This is a scary G-d to judge us. We cannot get away with anything!
But then a shift happens. The closing part of the Zichronot section quotes from Jeremiah.
Hashem says זכרתי לך חסד נעוריך אהבת...- “I remember the Love we had for each other. How you followed me into the desert.”
We want Hashem to remember the “honeymoon” when we followed Him into the desert.
But someone might say, “hold on, it wasnt such a great honeymoon. We fought every day of the Honeymoon. We sinned the golden Calf. We complained at every opportunity.
Hashem says, “dont let the facts and details get in the way of my beautiful memory.”
After we entered the promise land, we sinned and sinned and sinned some more. Yet Hashem “forgets” all of that. He only remembers the honeymoon (the good parts of it). This is selective memory. It works out for us.  

On Rosh Hashana, just as we ask Hashem to remember the covenant, we must remember as well.

If you think about it, almost every mitzvah is in some way a Zecher, creating a Jewish memory. In two weeks, we will leave our homes and eat and live in flimsy huts which we call sukkot. Why do we do this? To remember. To remember the shelter G-d provided for us in the desert. We dont only study about it, learn all the details, where did they travel, how did they travel. Do we have archeological evidence? Those are questions for the Historian. When we go in the sukkah we are creating and preserving a Collective Jewish memory of Hashem taking care of us in the desert.

Tzitzith reminds us of the Mitzvoth. The Mezuzah reminds us to Love Hashem. We do birkhat Hamazon in order not to forget Hashem.

Memory, Memory Memory. Memory is mentioned in the Bible 169 times.

More than the people of the Book, we are really the People of Memories. In fact, before the second century it was forbidden to write down the Oral Law. The only book that we had was the Torah. Everything else had to be memorized. We were the People of memories.

So on Rosh hashana, as we blow the shofar and ask G-d to remember, we need ask ourselves, How are we doing? Are we remembering? Are we doing a Good Job being a link in this long chain which goes back to the beginning of our people. Are we passing on the memories. Making them exciting. Making them meaningful and relevant through daily mitzvot.  

Our community spends a lot of money on what I would call “Jewish Knowledge.” You do the math. 15 - 25K a year on tuition X 12 = hundreds of thousands of dollars and we havent even started college tuition yet! Think about all the money invested in Hebrew Schools and Adult Education programs. We spend so much money on Jewish Knowledge.
But if when our kids come home from school, we are not successful at transforming their Jewish Knowledge into Jewish memory, all the money is wasted.

Another question which is related is how will we be remembered. By our friends, by our children and grandchildren.
I opened by talking about my memory learning to ride a bike. It is one of my only early memories. But i have others. One of my other earliest memories is watching my father daven. I remember him getting up really early to go to the Daf Yomi class. I remember my Mother being the ultimate Ba’alas Chesed always inviting new comers into our home. I remember her being called at all hours to do a Tahara. My earliest memories of my family are of Chesed and Torah!

How will our kids remember us? What kinds of memories are we creating?

Let me conclude with a story.

A few weeks after the first Lebanon War, a well known Atheist made an appointment to see a great rabbi. This Atheist, a was Professor of English Literature in israel who was very anti-religious. He had written op-eds saying that the worst thing you can do to a Jewish child is give him a Religious education. It will poison his mind.

So the rabbi was a bit surprised that the Professor wanted to see him but he agreed. When the Professor showed up, he said to the Rabbi, “I want to dedicate my life to Jewish religious education.” The Rabbi says, “are you serious or are you making fun of me.” The professor says, “I am very serious, let me tell you what happened to me.”

I was fighting deep in the mountains of Lebanon and I was hit by a bullet. I was bleeding and I knew I would die within two hours if nobody came to save me. So what does one think when you have two hours left to live. I am a professor of Shakespeare. I know all of the plays by heart, so i began to recite Hamlet. Hamlet is beautiful. Some of the loftiest literature ever written, but it was not doing it for me.

I am a committed Zionist. I know Herzl’s Judenstat by heart. I started reviewing it in my mind. It didnt work.

Suddenly, tears started rolling down my cheeks as I remembered being 5 years old and walking with my grandfather hand in hand to shul on Yom Kippur Night. I remembered the joy of sitting on my father’s shoulders for hours as we danced on simchat torah. I remembered my mother lovingly putting me to sleep and saying the shema with me and I remember my mother lighting the shabbos candles which brought such a glow and warmth to our house. And these memories gave me comfort in my final hours and I decided to just review these memories in my mind for the last few hours of my life.

But then I had a startling Horrific realization. What if my son would be in the same situation. What if he was shot and had two hours left to live? What memories would he have? He wouldn't be able to think about going with his zaide to Yom Kippur. He wouldn't be able to remember when he danced on his father’s shoulders on simchat torah and he wouldn't be able to remember his mother tucking him in with the shema and lighting the shabbos candles because she would not. He would not have any of these memories, because I did not give him them. I did not create them for him.
And then I realized that these memories are not only important for the last two hours of one’s life but for for every moment of one’s life. And at that moment I decided that if I survived, I would dedicate my life to religious education so that I can make sure that every Jewish boy and every jewish girl has those memories. That was my last thought. I woke up about a week later in a hospital in Israel and after many surgeries, I survived and here I am. Please help me dedicate my life to religious education.

The call of the shofar forces us to ask ourselves, what kind of memories are we creating. How strong are the memories and have we done everything to transmit them.

Today we ask Hashem to remember the covenant and we commit to remember our part of the covenant. We commit to being one link and the long and beautiful chain of the Jewish People to do our part in passing on the collective Jewish Memory. And in that merit, May Hashem remember us only for the Good and grant us a year in which our deepest prayers are answered. A year of health, a year of blessing and a year of beautiful memories.
Shanah Tova.