Yom Kippur Sermon 2015 - "Seeing into the Future"

Many of you already know that I am a bit of a Junk-Food addict. Sometimes, especially if I am working late at night, I will go to the Supermarket just to buy nosh. I usually have to get at least one thing from all of the categories. I will get a kit-kat for the chocolate craving, some jellybeans or twizzlers for the sugar but I also need salt - potato chips or pringles. But I cannot just go up to the cash register with those things so I also get some eggs and milk and a few bananas! So if you ever see me at Giant at 11 pm with twizzlers, chips, eggs and bananas; you know why I am really there!

A few weeks ago, I was working late on a Saturday Night so I went to Harris Teeter. I got my twizzlers and chocolate bar and went to the Pringles section (I have a weak spot for pringles!). I looked down and I was so excited to see there was a new flavor of pringles - “cheeseburger pringles.” It even had an OU (kosher symbol) on it. I have always wanted to taste a cheeseburger and here was my chance! But it just didn’t feel right. So I turned to my right... I then turned to my left…I just wanted to make sure that nobody from shul was there! Then I quickly grabbed the cheeseburger pringles stuffed them under the eggs and bananas and went to the register. I got home and within 22 minutes, I finished all of the pringles (and most of the twizzlers!). The next morning, I went on a long bike ride and I felt each every pringle every time I climbed up a hill! (I am not even going to talk about the time that I had a huge bowl of leftover cholent one Saturday night at 12:30 am just a few hours before I went on a 100 mile bike ride! Cholent and biking don’t go well together.)

Anyways, as I was climbing up those hills feeling the cheeseburger pringles, I had a question. Why is it that we do things and when we are doing them, we don’t think about the consequences. I don’t just mean eating pringles before a bike ride. How often do we make decisions and take actions that will have huge ramifications for us and for our families for 5, 10 and 20 years down the road without thinking about those ramifications, or at least without fully appreciating the ramifications.

There is a wonderful mishna in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers) in which Rabbi Yochanan ben Zakai was sitting around with his 5 disciples. He asks them to find out (צאו וראו) what is the best path for one to cling to? I presume the disciples went out into the world. They observed people. They talked to people. They asked them what has worked for you? What do you regret? They then came back with 5 different answers. One rabbi said, “one should be generous,” another said “be a good friend,” a third said “be a good neighbor” a fourth said, “Have a good heart.” But I want to focus on what Rabbi Shimon said. He said that one should “See the future.” (הרואה את הנולד). But this invites a question. How can we see the future? Is Rabbi Shimon demanding that we be prophets, soothsayers, diviners or astrologers?

The answer is that Rabbi Shimon is saying that when we act and make decisions today, we must see the future. We must ask ourselves a very important question. How will my action today impact me and my family in 5, 10, 20 years or maybe even after I am no longer even living? How many of us ask that question.

 At the end of the Ashamnu (We have sinned) paragraph, after we go through the alphabet of sins, we have two more letter Tuf.

תעינו - “We have gone astray. We have gone off the path.”

Does this happen to us? We all know from hiking that if we get off the path even 2 or 3 degrees and we keep walking, where will be in an hour? Completely Lost. Have we gone off the path even a few degrees? Have we made compromises on shabbat, kashruth, tzedaka, honesty or any other value? I am sure we were hoping to jump back on but then we look back 5, 10, 20 years later and we ask ourselves, “How did we get here?”

But then there is one more term and this is the one that scares me.  

 -תעיתנו - “We have caused others to go off the path.” When we go off the path even just a few degrees, it is not only impacting us. It impacts our children, grandchildren and future generations that don’t even exist yet. We are just one ring in a long chain of jewish history. We received the gift of Judaism from our parents and we have an obligation to pass it on to the next generation at least as strong but hopefully even stronger.

Sometime ago, I was talking to someone whose children are already grown. He told me that he has deep regrets for decisions that he made and actions that he took when his children were younger. Regret is so hard. So painful. Those of you who are young, please listen to Rabbi Shimon. “See the future.” When you make decisions or compromises ask yourselves, “how will this impact me or my family in 10 or 20 years.” Act now in a way that you won't have so many regrets later.

Maybe some of you already have grown families. Maybe you have regrets. Don’t worry. Everyone in this room has regrets. Regret by itself is not bad. It depends what you do with it. If it paralyzes you, it is negative. But regret is also part of the teshuva process. You can take the pain that you feel and use to inspire action. This is the gift of Yom Kippur. You can now ask yourself how my new actions today will impact grown children, grandchildren and how they will even have an impact when I am no longer here.

I would like to conclude with a story and an insight that I heard from Rabbi Yosef Blau. Usually I tell Chassidic stories. But stories from the Bible are also good! We all know the story of Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery down to Egypt. He was bought by Potiphar. Potiphar came to trust him with everything, even his wife. One day, Joseph was alone with Potiphar’s wife. She tries to seduce him. It is such a difficult test. The rabbis understand this test to not only be a sexual temptation but it is one of those Jewish make it or break it moments. if Joseph succumbs, he is effectively giving up the Jewish values of his mother and father in favor of assimilating into Egypt.

Does he pass the test. We know he does. The Torah says וימאן (and he refused). He runs away. But those of you who know Torah cantillation know that the musical note on top of the the word “and he refused” is a shalshelet. The shalshelet tells us that he waivered. “Should I stay or should I go, should I stay or should I go.” In other words, he almost succumbed.

The rabbis want to know, what gave Joseph the strength and resolve to withstand the test?

The rabbis' answer is so profound. They say that at the last minute ראה דיוקנו של אביו (He saw the image of his father, Jacob). He saw his father and he remembered. He remembered who he was and what he should be. And he ran away from the sin.

I have a very difficult question for all of us for this Yom Kippur. I want us to think about it throughout Yom Kippur and throughout the year.

If our children (no, when our children) or grandchildren or other people that we have influence on, are faced with one of those make it or break it moments. (And we know that when they face it we will not be there with them). At the last moment, will an image of you pop into their minds? And if it does, will it give them the strength and resolve to withstand the test?

Only you can answer that question and if you are not sure, this is what Yom Kippur is about. Let us resolve to become that person. Let us always ask how our decisions, actions, and compromises impact us and our families for years to come. Let us all become “seers of the future.”  G’mar Chatimah Tovah!

Rosh Hashana Sermon - 5776 - Does Judaism Bore you?

One of the great things about having young children, is that they say the cutest things! In fact, many of my sermon intros come from my kids. I don’t know how I will write sermons after they grow up! I also don’t know what use I will have for them!

Anyways, the other day, my four year old Reuven had just come back from a jam packed morning at a friends birthday party (You know there are no more Sundays, just birthday party day!). He gets home and we are getting ready, in about 8 minutes, to go swimming. But in between the party and the swimming, as we are getting ready, he starts pulling my leg. I said, “Reuven, what you want? He said, “Daddy, “I am so bored.” He is not just plain bored. He is so bored in just 8 minutes!

As a parent, this is hard to hear. We have a trampoline outside, we just bought a brand new swingset, the kids have their bikes, games, scooters and a basement full of arts and crafts and yet in 8 minutes between a party and going to the pool, my 4 year is so bored!

I would like to turn this question on the adults in this room. “Are you bored? I don't mean right now (although I am sure many of your are!), I mean, as a Jew, are you bored? Does your judaism bore you? Do you suffer from what Dr. Erica Brown calls “Spiritual Boredom?”

The question can be expanded to other areas of life as well. Does your job bore you? How about your friends? How about your spouse?  I am going to focus on the spiritual boredom question but you can apply everything we say to other kinds of boredom.

Let me articulate the challenge the way Dr. Erica Brown does. You see there is one thing about Judaism which is its greatest strength and at the same time its greatest weakness. It is called Ritual. Rituals are things that we do exactly the same way over and over again at set intervals in our calendar. The wonderful thing about ritual is that it gives us an anchor, stability, and a connection with our past in a world that is so chaotic, unpredictable and uncontrollable. This is its strength. Its weakness is that it is the same old, same old every time. It gets boring very quickly. Every week we have the same shabbat. Everyday the same blessings. Every time, I want to eat bread, I do the same washing of the hands, the same Hamotzie and the same exact Birkhat Hamazon that I have been doing since I was three! Can’t the rabbis come up with any new ideas!

This problem is most acute with prayer.

If you go to shabbat service every week for a year, the prayers will be almost exactly the same every week 52 times in a row. Could you imagine if you had a subscription series to the local theater and every Saturday night you went to watch a play but it was the same play every time… in a language you don't even understand! You would go crazy from boredom. Many people wonder why so many people don't come to shul. I am actually surprised that so many of you come!

So herein lies the challenge. How can we embrace our lives of ritual which ground us, give us strength order and stability without that same ritual boring the heck out of us! I think this is the challenge of the 21st century and it is the reason we are losing so many jews.

I would like to begin answering the question by looking at one of the heroes of Rosh Hashana, Chana. We all know the story. Chana was married to this guy named Elkana. Chana had what the Mormon’s call a sister wife, Penina. However, in Judaism, a sister-wife is called a Tzara (or a pain in the ?!?!). So if Chana wanted to introduce Penina to someone, she would say “I would like to introduce you to my “Pain!”

Anyways, Penina has many children and Chana has none. To make matters worse, Penina actually taunts Chana and makes fun of her infertility. Chana’s husband is of no help. He probably says the stupidest things that any husband has said to his wife (and many men have said very stupid things to their wives!). He tried to comfort Chana by saying, “Am I not better than 10 kids.” Chana is so upset she runs to the Sanctuary and begins to pray. Now here is where I need your help. As Chana begins to pray, tell me what kinds of emotions do you think she is feeling. Just name them.

“Despair, Anger, Frustration, Jealousy…”

I want to add one more. “Guilt.” How do I know this? I know this from you, my congregants. Almost every time I am meeting with someone who is struggling with something whether is is health, livelihood, or trouble with children. The sufferer always thinks that they committed some sin to deserve it. After so many Rosh Hashanas that Chanah was not answered I am sure she was feeling guilt as well.

Anyways Chanah comes to the Sanctuary with all of these emotions and she begins praying. And when you pray with those emotions what does it look like from the outside? What does Eli (the High Priest) think about Chana? He thinks that she is drunk.

Chana says, “I had nothing to drink….But I am pouring out my soul to G-d.” In hebrew this is called Hishtapchut Hanefesh. This means that you take all of your emotions; anger, hatred, jealousy, despair, anxiety, gratitude, joy, hope; and you bring them into your prayer. You pour the emotions into the words of the Prayer. Prayer is called  עבודה שבלב (“service of the heart”). If we go through an entire prayer service, if we spend 4 hours praying in shul on Rosh Hashana and our hearts are not stirred even once, then we have not prayed. Just making hebrew words come out of your mouth is not prayer.

And I promise that if you pray as Chana prayed (with all of your emotions) then prayer will never be boring. Because even if the words are the same every time, something is always different. You are always different. You are always going through different things and therefore in a different emotional state and the prayer is always new and very relevant.

This leads me to my next point. The next tool to prevent boredom. It is called Kavvanah. Most people think that Kavvana means that I close my eyes and shuckel (the faster the better!). I am a shuckeler but this is not Kavvanah. Maimonides teaches us that Kavvanah comes before prayer.

צריך לישב מעט קודם תפילה כדי לכוין את לבו

Kavvanh comes from the word “Kivun” which means direction or focus or goal. Before we daven (or before we do anything) we ask ourselves “what is our goal for the next 20 minutes? What I am trying to accomplish. Just asking that question will transform davening (and the sukkah and the seder and Birkhat Hamazon etc etc). This is not only true about religion. If before I come home after a long day of work I should ask myself, what is my goal with my family? What is my goal with my spouse? This will transform everything. This will keep it fresh, relevant and never boring.

One more point and then we will get to the story! This is the most important. We always say that Prayer is a conversation. It is a conversation between me and G-d. But there is a major problem with this. Whenever there is a relationship and one person seems to be doing all of the talking and the other maybe says “yeah, uhuh” it is not really a good conversation (just ask my wife about that!).

So Davening is a conversation. We bring everything (all of our emotions) to G-d. We tell G-d about our hard day, our troubles, our hopes and our dreams. And what do we get back? Nothing. No response. It doesn’t feel so good. Maybe that is why many are turned away from Prayer.

I would like to offer something that I believe in the deepest place of my soul. I say what I am about to say as someone who does not experience the supernatural in my life. I believe that G-d talks to me each and every day. When does G-d talk to me? Every time, I hear the Torah read, it is the word of G-d and I believe that there is a message in it for me to address something that I am struggling with at that moment. The message usually is not clear. I have to dig and turn it over again and again. But then it is there. A message from G-d. You don’t have to hear the Torah reading in shul to experience this (although I believe there is a special power in that experience). You can just pull a chumash (bible) off the shelf and read the parsha of the week (or any section) and it is the word of G-d. You pray and bring all of yourself (all of your emotions) and talk to G-d and then you study Torah and G-d talks back.

I recently officiated at a funeral for an amazing woman named Amy Kass. She was a professor at University of Chicago for many years. I asked her husband, Leon, “tell me something that you admire about Amy.” He told me that every time Amy read a book or a poem or even a book review, she read it as if it contained information or an idea that would transform her life. Wow!

Question: Do we read Torah like that? Do we listen to the Torah reading on a random shabbat with the belief that it might change us, that it might elevate us, that it might have that bit of wisdom that we are in desperate need of at that moment?

Prayer is a conversation. We bring ourselves (everything we have) to the prayer. We then study and G-d talks back. How can prayer be boring when G-d is talking back!

Now the story. When I read this story, it pierced my heart. David Tzeitelbach was just 13 years old in 1942 when the Nazis invaded his Polish town. A Ghetto was set up. Shortly after, the Ghetto was liquidated. David happened to escape but his Mother, Father and older sister were taken never to be heard from again. David had one thing going for him. He had blond hair and blue eyes. Nobody suspected that he was Jewish. He found a farmer who hired him to be a farm hand. He missed his family so much but at least he was alive. Spring turned to summer and summer turned to early Fall. The days started getting shorter and it was getting to be a bit chilly in the morning. He knew that it was Rosh Hashana anyday. On the day that he thought it was Rosh Hashana, he was so sad. He remembered with fondness going to shul with his parents and sister and sitting next to his father and praying the Rosh Hashana davening. He thinks, “If only I would be a little older, I would probably be able to remember some of the prayers but now I know none of them.” The farmer interrupted David’s memories. He asked him to go into town to pick up some goods at the grocery store. David got on the horse to go into town. He arrived at the store. He pulled out the shopping list. He asked the grocer for 1 lb. of salt, one lb. of sugar and a half lb. of flour. And then he saw the grocer go over to a pile of books thrown on the floor. They had hebrew on them. They looked like Chumashim (bibles). Then to David’s horror, the grocer callously ripped a page out, rolled into a cone-shape and put the salt in there. He did the same for the flour and sugar. There must have been a paper shortage during the war and the grocer was using abandoned chumashim that were left behind by the jews who had been sent away.

David was in so much pain. Not only was he riding on a horse on Rosh Hashana, he was causing the grocer to rip out pages from a chumash. He takes the items and cries all of the way home. When he gets back he goes to the pantry and starts emptying out the salt. He brushes away the last particles. He then unfolds the paper to see what it says and behold it is not a chumash or a siddur. He starts reading:

ונתנה תקף קדושת היום (Let us now relate the power of the day)

It is a Rosh Hashana Machzor (prayerbook) and David is reading the most powerful song of the day. He can feel his father right next to him as he remembers davening with him in shul. He continues to read:

ובשופר גדול יתקע וקול דממה דקה ישמע

“The great shofar will be sounded but a soft voice will be heard.” He remembers his mother’s sweet soft voice as she tucked him in and said the bedtime shema.

But then he goes on:

מי יחיה ומי ימות - "Who will live and who will die"

מי בקצו ומי לא בקצו - "who at his time and who before his time"

מי במים ומי באש מי בחרב...מי ברעב ומי בצמא - "Who by water, who by fire, who by sword, who hunger and who by thirst"

And David starts crying thinking about his Mother, father and sister and himself.

But then he reads the powerful conclusion:

ותשובה, ותפילה וצדקה מעבירין את רע הגזרה

“But repentance, prayer and charity remove the evil of the decree”

These are the values that his parents taught him. He has to be thoughtful, he has to pray and he has to be kind as possible and then no matter how ugly the world around you is, you can begin to repair the world. You can do your part.

David is now in his eighties and he still gets so much out of the Rosh Hashana prayers.

So if we want to live an inspired life, If we want our prayers to be fresh, relevant and new (even as they are the same exact words) all we have to do is have Kavvanh (state our goals before we begin), bring our entire emotional selves to the prayer just like 13 year old David and Chanah, and we then have to turn it into a conversation by listening for the return message when we study Torah.

If we do this. If we bring our whole self into our prayers. If we open up our hearts, May G-d open up all of the gates of Heaven. May G-d shower us on this new year with a year of health, safety and security, and most importantly a year when our deepest prayers our answered.

Shanah Tova!

How I fell in Love with Israel and Jerusalem - 8th day of Pesach

This past week (Passover) I fell in love….with Israel and Jerusalem. I have always loved Israel but now I am in love with Israel. It happened when I wasn’t even in Israel. All I did was read a book, Abraham Joshua Heschel’s “Israel: An Echo of Eternity.” I have read many books, articles and essays about Israel but I have never been touched in the way that this book touched me.

The book is really Heschel’s reflections on his trip to Israel in the summer of 67 just a few months after the 6 Day War. Allow me to quote one passage:

“Jerusalem, all our hearts are like harps, responsive when your name is mentioned. Jerusalem, our hearts went out to you whenever we prayed…For so many ages we have been lovesick…In our own days a miracle has occurred…What happened on June 7, 1967? G-d’s compassion has prevailed. So many devastations. Thousands of communities wiped out. Synagogues burned, people asphyxiated. No tombstones, no graves, all monuments meaningless.

In its solitude the Wall was forced into the role of an unreachable tombstone for the nameless dead. Suddenly the Wall, tired of tears and lamentations, became homesick for song. “O Come, let us sing to the Lord, let us chant in joy to the rock of our salvation!” (Psalm 95:1). It will be called the Rejoicing Wall.”

As I read this passage and so many others, I fell in love. Heschel tells us that when he arrived at the Kotel for the first time, he understood that the Bible was still Alive. That chapters were still being written.

All Pesach long as I would read these poetic passages and think of Jerusalem, I was confronted with a difficult question. Pesach has everything in it. The seder is so rich. But it is missing one important element. It is missing Israel and Jerusalem.

Sure, there are nods to Jerusalem (e.g., Next Year may we be in Jerusalem). But the seder primarily ignores its importance. To give but one example, consider the four cups. They represent the 4 articulations of redemption.

והוצאתי והצלתי וגאלתי ולקחתי

1.)   I will take out, 2.) I will save you, 3.) I will redeem you, 4.) and I will take you.

But any sensitive reader of the Torah knows that there is a really a 5^th verse which is left out. והבאתי – “I will bring you” to the land of Israel. Sure, some say that this is the Cup of Elijah and others had a custom to have a 5^th cup, but the primary custom left out the 5^th cup. It left Israel out of the seder. Why? How can we leave out Israel which was the goal of the Exodus in the first place?

So I heard an interesting answer to the question. We have to remember that the Passover Hagadah was largely put together in the Gaonic Period (8^th and 9^th century Babylon). It is a book produced in Exile so it has been suggested that it would have been too painful to focus too much on Israel. What kind of Passover celebration would it have been to focus on Israel when they were in Exile. So they left it out.

This answer might be sufficient on the psychological level but not on the theological level.

If we go back to the Covenant of the Parts, G-d promised Abraham that his children will be slaves but then they will go out and return to the Land of Israel. Slavery was just a prelude to Redemption and Entering the Land, so how can Jerusalem and Israel be left out of the Seder and Passover?

This morning (8^th day of pesach), my daughter came down for breakfast and I asked her if she wanted cream cheese on matzah. “Daddy,” she said, “I am sick of cream cheese and matzah.” How about macaroons? Not a chance! Are we not all feeling this way? Dayeinu, haven’t we had enough. What is the 8^th day all about anyways? We have already celebrated leaving Egypt, crossing the sea, what is left?

The answer is a beautiful image from our Haftorah. The beautiful Haftorah for the 8^th day of Pesach is also the Haftorah for Yom Ha’atzmaut. It opens with a messianic image. ויצא חטר מגזע ישי

What is “Geza Yishai”? The stump of Jesse. Jesse is of course King David’s father, representing the Davidic line and Judaic sovereignty. The problem is that it has been cut down. The jews are in Exile. What was once a thriving tree is now a stump. When I think about a tree stump, I always think of “The Giving Tree,” by Shel Silverstein. At the very end, when the boy (now an old man) comes back, the tree has nothing left to give except its stump to sit on. It says in the book that the boy was happy, but I am always sad. The last image is an old man on a tree stump. I look at that and see no future. The man will die and the tree has no hope. Right under the picture are the words, “The End.” This is what I feel. It is the End, no hope, no future.

But what does our Haftorah proclaim? A shoot or a branch will go out of that stump. A miracle. It is not the end. There will be life again. The Davidic kingdom will be restored, Jews will return to the land and a thriving tree will grow out of that stump. It is no wonder why they chose this reading for Yom Ha’atzmaut.

This also makes me think about the Haftorah for Shabbat of Chol Hamoed Sukkot. The Haftorah all about the Dry Bones of Ezekiel. G-d tells Ezekiel to prophecy to the bones. They begin to come together but then they say, “ישבו עצמותינו ואבדה תקותינו” (“Our bones have dried and our hope is lost”). G-d tells Ezekiel to tell them that G-d will open their graves and you will return to the Land and thrive again. The Bones were saying, “we have lost our hope,” and G-d said עוד לא אבדה תקותינו – The hope is still alive. We have not lost out hope (Hatikva).

This is the message of the 8^th day of Pesach. The message is that even though the joy of Pesach has been tempered somewhat for the last 2000 years of Exile, we have not lost hope. Even though the Gaonim might have left Israel out of the Seder and the 1^st days of Pesach, the 8^th day is about the possibility of the Messianic Era. It is about a branch shooting out from the stump. It is about Dry Bones living again. On Pesach we begin by going way back into the past but we conclude with hope for the future.  

This takes me back to Heschel and Jerusalem. Heschel has a beautiful line in the book where he says, “Jerusalem is the Past meeting the Present to encounter the future.” Jerusalem is the only place on Earth where I can be riding on the most modern light rail system, I look around and see people using their smart phones which have chips in them that were invented just kilometers from the train stop. I then get off the train and see modern, sleek hotels built with the most innovative architecture. And then I go in through the Jaffa Gate and I am in the Old City. I travel over cobble stone roads, I pass archeological digs, I see rocks and stones where Isaiah and the prophets shared the word of G-d and then I arrive at the Kotel near the spot where Abraham almost sacrificed Isaac. In a matter of moments, I have gone from the newest of the new to the oldest of the old and then back to the new again. Jerusalem is certainly the place where “Past meets present and present encounters the future.” This is the trajectory of Pesach as well. We begin from the beginning of our peoplehood. We were slaves to Pharoah. G-d took us out. But then at the end of Pesach, we look to the future. We look to the revival to what is new and renewed. The branch will come forth from the stump. On Pesach, the Past meets the present and the Present encounters the future.”

But I would like to take this one step further. This motto is not just a description of Jerusalem. It is not just a description of Pesach. It is what Judaism is all about.

“Judaism is our attempt to allow the Past to meet the present so that we can encounter our Future.” It is through our celebration of Pesach and our Love for Jerusalem that we join this redemptive process!

Talk at 5th annual Pre Pesach Seder Summit at Beth Sholom

Jewish Role Modeling at the Seder

There is a very funny piece from Jon Stewart called “Faith off.” In the piece he compares the Easter basket full of chocolate with the seder plate. “Which one will kids prefer, chocolate filled eggs or the bone of a dead baby lamb!” He reminds us that “the key, is the children” and he begs his “mishpacha” (the jews) to step up our game so that we can win this one!

Jon Stewart is correct. The “key is the children.” But we are probably never going to win with the food. There has to be something more meaningful that we give our children on seder night.

The “gift” is of course the primary mitzvah of the seder, “Tell it to your children.” Seder night is the most important night of the year because it is our chance to tell our children why Judaism is so important. Why did the Jews have to suffer in Egypt only to be set free? Why is this the foundational story of our people? If we see ourselves as having been enslaved, what would our obligations be in our everyday life every time we pull up to a red light and someone is asking for food? These are the kinds of conversations we should be having at the seder. We tell our children why Judaism is so important to us and why we are so committed. This is our gift to our children.

The problem is that we all know that words are cheap. We cannot tell our children "Do as I say and not as I do." In other words, the only way that the Hagadah (literally, telling or talking) will work is if the words are backed up by action. “We must be the people that we want our children to become.” In other words, we have to be good jewish role models.

What is so interesting is that there are studies that demonstrate that when you ask children who is their #1 role model, over 50% of them say a mom or a dad! Those who say someone else (rock star, athlete etc) will say that mom or dad is #2 or #3. In other words, our children (and young people in general) are looking to us to be role models.

Are we doing a good job? How does the seder (which is really all about talking and not doing) help us succeed as role models?

To illustrate the challenge, I recall a beautiful insight by Rabbi Yosef Blau regarding the story of  Joseph and Potiphar's wife. Potiphar's wife tried to seduce Joseph. The rabbis understand Jospeh's test as being more than sexual temptation. If Joseph succumbs, he will be giving up his Jewish identity and assimilating into Egypt. This is one of those “make it or break it” moments for Joseph. We know what happens. He runs away and passes the test. But the rabbis want to know, what gave Joseph the strength to run away from such a temptation? The rabbis say that at the last moment, Jospeh saw an image of his father. It popped into his mind and he realized who he was and what he to be and he ran away.

We all have to ask ourselves a difficult question. If our children are in a situation where they have a make it or break it decision about Judaism (and these decisions usually happen when children are not with parents), what will happen? Will an image of us pop into their minds? And if that image does pop into their minds will it help them make the correct decision?

This will only happen, if we role model our Judaism. If our kids know that we are not Jewish for them but because we genuinely love judaism.

There is a secret among rabbis that the only way you will get parents in 30's - 50s' to come to shul programming is if you do something for the kids then the parents come. This is important but we will only transmit to the children if they know we love it.

This takes us back to the seder. Where is the role modeling?

I think it can be found in the opening paragraph of Magid.

"This is the bread of affliction….all who are hungry come and eat…"

Two questions:

1.) What kind of an invitation is this? We invite people over to eat poor person's bread (Matzah). This is what slaves eat, why would we serve it to our guests?

2.) Isn't it a little late for the invitation? We are already at the seder. The brisket is in the oven and the guests (if there are any) are here. Who is going to come now?

Rabbi Jonathan Sacks shares the powerful story of Primo Levi. The most difficult 11 days in Auschwitz were the 11 days after the Nazis ran away but before the Russians came. It was awful when the Nazis were there but at least they fed them (as meager portions as they were). However after the Nazis left, they were literally starving.

One day, there was a commotion out in the fields so Primo Levi goes out to see what is happening. It turns out that some people have found some potatoes. Then Primo saw something amazing. The people were sharing their potatoes with others. Primo said that it was at that moment that he knew they were free. People who are enslaved do not share. whatever they get they hoard. If they are sharing that means they have hope and they are truly free. So sharing means taking the meager potatoes or Matzah (poor persons bread) and sharing it with others.

So when we begin the seder with the invitation, we are really turning to our family and saying, look what we have done. We have invited guests. We have given Maot Chittin (charity so that people who are poor can also have a seder). We are sharing whatever we have because this is what it means to be free, to have faith and to have hope.

So the role modeling that we do at the seder must come before the seder. It is about sharing what we have. Only then will the lesson of "we were slaves but now we are free" have any impact. We know (in the collective jewish conscious what it means to be hungry so we say (and have hopefully already said), "all who are hungry come and eat." These aren't just words, It is the reason we exist.

I encourage everyone to tell their families about the mitzvoth they performed tonight. Whether it was bringing suits for people who cannot afford one for a job interview, whether it was contributing job offering to our job bank or contributing money for maot chittin so that other local families can enjoy a seder. I encourage people to explain to their children why these mitzvoth directly emerge from the lessons of the seder. I encouraged the dads to not only tell their children but to be living role models of what is important in life.

May we all enjoy a meaningful Passover 5775!

"So I won't cook a kid in its mother's milk, but a cheeseburger sure sounds good" - Parshat Mishpatim 2015

I would like to open with a joke. But it is one of those jokes that is hard to deliver so if I mess-up, please laugh anyways…!

Here is a little background to the joke (you can already see that it is a hard joke because I have to give background!). The Torah tells us three times לא תבשל גדי בחלב אמו - “Don’t cook a kid (the baby goat kind!) in its mother’s milk.” The rabbis derive more and more restrictions from each repetition of the command until they get to all of our current restrictions against mixing milk and meat.

So here is the joke. G-d calls Moshe into His office and says “Moshe, I have a new law that I want you to tell the people, “Don’t cook a kid in its mother’s milk.” So Moshe says, “I get it. When you say “kid” you dont really just mean a baby goat you  mean all animals. And when you say “mother” you dont really just mean its mother, but any mother and really all dairy.” So G-d says back, “Moshe, I will tell you a second time, ‘Don’t cook a Kid in its Mother’s milk.” Moshe says, “Oh, I get it. When you say ‘don’t cook’, you really mean don’t cook, don’t eat and just for safe measure we should wait 6 hours between milk and meat.” Now G-d starting to get upset says, “Moshe, let me say a third and final time, ‘don’t cook a kid in its mother’s milk.” To which Moshe says, “Ok I get it now. You don’t want us to cook any animal with any dairy, you want us to wait between milk and meat and you also want us to have separate dishes and maybe even a separate dishwasher.”

At this point, G-d’s looks at Moshe in frustration, and says “Ok Moshe, you win. Have it your way!”

So that is the joke. But I think it is really more than a joke. At a certain level, it is a challenge to the entire corpus of Rabbinic Judaism. How do the rabbis get from one little verse (even if mentioned three times) all of the laws of Meat and Milk. I spent 6 months in yeshiva studying the details of all of the possible laws of meat and milk and how they are derived from one little verse.

To ask the question a different way, I always think about the 20 year old Jewish college student who is starting to rebel. He asks his parents, “why do I have to keep kosher? Even if I accept the Torah, so I won’t literally cook a kid in its mother’s milk, but I still want a cheeseburger”! How do we answer that rebellious 20 year old? What is so bad about mixing meat and milk and why are there so many extensions to the law?

So there are basically three answers to the question, 1.) the talmud, 2.) Maimonides and 3.) Rav Kook. The Talmud’s approach to “why is meat and milk so bad” is to basically to ignore the question. I dont think that in the entire Talmud or rabbinic literature you will find an answer to this question. It reminds me of my yeshiva days when after studying all of the details of a certain area of law someone would finally ask the “why” question. “Why do we do this?” The answer would often be in Yiddish (I will try not to butcher this!), “freg nisht far vos, uber vus” - “Don’t ask “why” only “what”. In other words, we should only be concerned with “what” and “how” to act not “why we do what we do”. This is certainly an approach but it probably will not work on your 20 year old questioning young adult.

So we turn to Maimonides (12th century). Maimonides, in explaining the prohibition against meat and milk, tells us that “in my opinion not improbable that .... idolatry had something to do with it. Perhaps such food was eaten at one of the ceremonies of their cult or at their festivals.” (Guide for the Perplexed 3:48).

Maimonides idea might be interesting from an historical perspective and Abarbanel even tells us that in his time (15th century Spain) there were still Pagans who ate meat and milk as part of pagan worship. But I ask you, will this work on your 20 year old? Try telling him not to eat a cheeseburger because thousands of years ago people mixed meat and milk in pagan worship. I dont think it will work.

There is one other idea that Maimonides mentions. He says that in addition to the idolatrous overtones of meat and milk, “it is undoubtedly very gross food.”

I object to this reason! I am going to make an admission right here in front of the Holy Ark! I crave cheeseburgers! I have never had one but I crave them! Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, a young woman came to convert. She was totally observant. She kept shabbat, Kashruth and she even went to the Mikvah every month. I asked her, “why do you need to convert, you are 100% jewish.” She told me that she was doing genealogical research and she discovered that her great grandmother was not Jewish. She had simply married her great grandfather and nobody asked any questions. She lived like a jew and everyone thought she was Jewish. This means that the young woman’s grandmother and mother were not jewish and she was not jewish. I, of course, converted her with two other rabbis.

However, the experience made me ask a question. What would happen if I did genealogical research and I discovered that I was not halakhically Jewish. Would I convert? G-d would have no expectations that I convert. I could keep the 7 Noahide laws, be a good person and not be jewish. After thinking about the question (a lot!), I decided that I would convert. After all, I love judaism. I love torah, my family and everything else. I also need to be jewish for my job!  But even though I would convert, I would give myself 24 hours! And during those 24 hours I would have every cheeseburger imaginable and oysters, shrimp, bacon and everything else. Then I would convert!

So Maimonides idea that cheeseburgers are gross wouldn’t work on me and I am sure it will not work on our theoretical 20 year old.

So I now turn to an idea from Rav Kook (1st Chief Rabbi of Mandate Palestine in the early 20th century). Rav Kook is really expanding on a statement from Nachmanides (13th century Spain). Rav Kook (in On Vegetarianism and Peace) opens with what should be an obvious statement about (cow’s or goat’s) milk that I never thought of before.

יסוד מציאות החלב בשדי האם החיה לא למען יוכל הוא בחזקתו לעשוק אותו לעצמו, כ"א למען תוכל להניק את ילדה הרך

“The purpose of the milk... is not for Humans with strength to take it (or exploit it) for ourselves, rather for the mother to nurse her child.”

In Rav Kook’s thought, everything has a purpose, even milk, and it is not for us but for the baby animal. This idea would almost push us more to veganism but I digress. So he continues…

הגדי הרך לא יעמוד לפי ערך מוסרו השפל להתרפק גם הוא על אהבת אמו ולשמח גם הוא בזיו החיים, כ"א ישחט ויהיה לאכלה לקבת האדם הזוללה לנפשו הנשפלת האומרת "אוכלה בשר".

“The goat is not going to live to its potential (my loose translation) but will rather be slaughtered and be food for man’s lowly stomach which says ‘Give me meat!’”

You can hear Rav Kook making fun of meat consumption. Rav kook now says, “what will be with the leftover milk, now that you have slaughtered the intended drinker of that milk? You will cook the kid in the mother’s milk. You will take the very substance which was supposed to nurture this animal and you will cook it in that substance. To this, the Torah and the voice of G-d screams out “Don’t cook a kid in its mother’s milk.” Nachmanides says that it would be cruel to do this.

Very powerful. But why do we have to expand it to not cooking any meat with any milk, separate dishes and the entire corpus of laws of meat and milk which really govern every day of our lives? The answer is because if we only refrained from cooking a kid in its mother’s milk, we would never think about it. But the expanded version of the halakha turns an abstract value into a real spiritual daily practice. It takes the lofty ideas of Parshat Yitro (the thunder and lightning, the 10 commandments, the revelation at Sinai) and makes them real and particular and something we encounter all of the time.  This is what all of Halakha is about. Take the laws of kosher. Why do we eat? In Judaism, we eat in order to have strength to serve G-d to be better parents and friends. We eat so that we can be grateful for the wonderful tastes and smells. The laws of Kashruth, the laws of blessings are all designed to make this value real and practical in our daily lives. Think about shabbat. We can talk about the value of rest on shabbat. But if we don’t make it real with the 39 melachot (categories of work) and all of the details, it will just be an idea. Halakaha makes it real. It allows us to take the ordinary moments and make them holy. So if we separate our meat and milk dishes and wait 6 hours but it is just a burden then it won’t really make us better. But if every time we have a halakhic question about kosher, we think of Rav Kook; If when we go to a business lunch and we order the salad (and don’t even eat the onions - a different discussion!) and we think about the little goat and what it means to eat in a selfish way versus a spiritual way, then we are elevating our daily lives. This is the whole point of Jewish practice.

So I am not ashamed to say that I crave cheeseburgers (and shrimp and bacon!). And if I found out that I was not Jewish, I would probably give myself 24 hours! But then I would go back to all of the rules.

i hope that I will remember and I hope that we can all remember that when we follow these rules they are meant to elevate and enhance our lives. I dont know if even Rav kook’s approach will satisfy the 20 year old. But I know that it could enhance our own practice and if our 20 year olds see us practicing these laws with more meaning; If they see that following Torah makes us more sensitive and better people then they will consider making it part of their own lives as well.

Shabbat Shalom!